I bought a pet Godzilla
From my buddy down the street.
He’s a fire-breathing dinosaur,
Which I think is pretty neat.
He’s also quite the actor,
And he’s very, very sweet.
But he’s retired now,
And I call him Jumbo Pete.
Godzilla Retires
Filed under Poems
Father’s Day
My Dad catches fish,
My Dad catches birds,
And my Dad caught my mama’s eye.
Then life did its stuff
And, well, sure enough
There came my sister and I.
That when my Dad,
So asymptotically rad,
Really displayed his mettle,
For he will never rest
‘Til he’s done his best,
And not until then will he settle.
Thanks to you Dad
We did not turn out bad,
And from my perspective I see:
To be a guy like that
Is good to aim at.
Happy Father’s Day Dad from me!
Finance for Dummies
People like having money
And they like buying things,
But choose one of those passions
And the other gets lost.
Until now, that is!
Now you can live like kings
With the finest of fashions
And none of the cost!
(Trumpet Fanfare)
I present to you the credit card!
A source of endless joy
That gives you all that you desire.
Just swipe your tears away!
And if you use the whole thing up,
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
You’ll the friendly screeching tires
Of some bankers making sure you’re okay.
Filed under Poems
Boy, Was I Wrong!
I need an extracurricular,
And I want to score a date.
I can kind of throw a football
Or throw balls past home plate.
I’m tall enough for hoops,
And in soccer I am grand,
But the greatest sport for getting girls
Has to be marching band.
Filed under Poems
My Chemical Un-Romance
I’d like to think
Love is a choice,
And the product of
An adoring mind.
I’d like to think
It’s a little voice
That reminds you
To be gentle and kind.
Yet who we love
Is often chosen
By hormones
Running free.
So I hope you find
A place in your adrenals
And save it
Just for me.
Filed under Poems
You Have No Proof!
I went to the proving grounds
Hoping to test my mettle,
But when I was done I found
That I lost and had to settle.
I thought my strength was notable,
And my skill substantial,
But I forgot it was a proving ground
And my evidence was circumstantial.
Filed under Poems
Arr, ye Sol Ti Do!
Ray’s cow chewed her cud
Amidst the mud,
While Ray looked on with wonder.
While I, Captain Jack
Snuck round the back.
Their farm I sought to plunder.
Alas Ray raised
A herd of deer
To guard his home from a pirate.
That’s the ballad
of Doe, Ray, and Me
And it makes me feel irate!
Filed under Poems
Different Kisses
“Every kiss begins with Kay:”
It’s catchy, but untrue.
I know kisses that begin with “Hey,”
With silence, or “I love you.”
Where the sales pitch is excellent
And really makes the cut
Is in the case of all those kisses
That end with “Kay, now what?”
Filed under Poems
Climate Change for the Better: A Christmas Story
I for one like global warming.
Who wouldn’t mind extra Summer?
I guess at first in New Orleans
The flooding would be a bummer,
But all that would be rectified
When Santa relocates there
With his team of penguin helpers
And his red-nosed polar bear.
No longer are there jingle bells,
But strings of plastic beads.
Some zydeco Christmas Carols
Are what this country needs,
So drive your hummers and SUV’s
And feed beans to your cows.
I’ve enjoyed sharing my wisdom,
But now I’ve got some rabble to rouse.
Filed under Poems
Maize
Corn stalks and lonely days
Spending my life
Walking in circles.
If only…
If only I’d paid attention
To where I came from.
If only I knew where I was.
If only I’d believed in society
When they told me
“The corn maze closes at noon.”
Corn stalks and lonely days
Walking in circles.
I hope it’s only my stomach growling.
Filed under Poems
