I like me some ice cream and beer
And sometimes go hunting for deer.
I don’t eat no plants though
Which means that my pants know
The pure incarnation of fear.
Tag Archives: Fat
She’ll Start Exercising In January
The lady on the internet
Wrote “5551618.”
I thought that was her phone number
But, alas, ’twas just her weight.
Filed under Poems
An American Funeral
Here lies Harry,
Who was hard to carry
To this six-foot deep apartment,
For he was a foodie
With a sizable bootie
And a never-full food compartment.
And that is why at his side
During the funeral I abide,
To provide my final gift,
For from Harry’s acquaintances
I’m the guy who works maintenances,
So I was chosen to drive the forklift.
Filed under Poems
Whale… Shucks
“Greetings fellow porpoises,”
The humpback sang at sea.
“Our pod has a new member,”
And he gestured right at me.
That sparked the two epiphanies
That in my mind had lurked:
The fact that I spoke whale,
And that my diet hadn’t worked.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 