Tag Archives: Games

New Releases, Same As The Old Releases

The plots of every video game

Turn out to be exactly the same:

An underdog becomes more skilled

Until the villain can be killed.
I created a game of my own

That you can play without a phone

In which a group of Demon Lords

Present you with various rewards.
Some give freedom, some give wealth.

Some guarantee you perfect health.

Some will make the world at peace

Or let you meet the cast of “Grease.”
Your character has just one year

(Minus time for sleeping, work, and beer)

To help your choice of Demon Lord

Get the power to give you your reward.
And after all is said and done

Whichever Demon eventually won

Will not give you what they said.

They’ll do what’s best for them instead.
How many of you think “sounds like fun?”

Oh really? I guess that’s no one…

The name of the game is Election Day.

It’s coming in November to the USA.

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Fantasy Earth

Sometimes I wonder if the gods

Are playing “Fantasy Earth,”

Which is just like fantasy football

But for those of divine birth.

I like to think that up above

Something that’s divine

Is checking out my karma stat

And knowing that I’m fine.

Divine intervention

Might influence your fate,

But it’s just a way to win the league

For a thunder god named Nate.

So here’s to being MVP

If things don’t go amiss.

I really hope I don’t get benched

For having written this.

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Pictionary

He drew a pair of tentacles

And a rocket on its side

With a pair of spiny barnacles

Beneath a grey-black sky.

Barry shouts “it’s patriotism,”

And Andy says “That’s it!”

The rest of us just sit and stare,

And Laura says “well, shit.”

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Cards Against Humanity

I’m asked to finish up a phrase

In this black-boxed party craze,

But I find it’s rather hard to do.

For these cards here in my hand:

In other games, they would be banned

And I don’t know what half of them are. Do you?

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Fluffy, White

Have you ever looked up at a cloud
And spoken of its looks aloud?
“That one looks like Canada.”
“I thought it looked like a pelican. Huh.”

It’s a childish game, I guarantee
But play it once to help you see
That a childish game just once a day
Makes fluffy and white what once was gray.

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The Games We Play

One black drop in a gilded cage.
A red drop falls at its flank.
And so they pile upon themselves
Like tears, but far less dank.

And so we build a motif
‘Til the discs can fall no more
And one man slumps, defeated,
Since his rival connected four.

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How Board Games Are Made

No one’s shouted “Uno”
In what seems like years.
No one’s held my colorful cards
And laughed and spilled their beers.

No one’s read house rules
Or over my manual pored,
And while I am a card game
I’m starting to get bored.

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Stay-at-home Offspring

Don’t think that I’m a layabout,
A lazy waste of space.
Just see me as a checker
Who never leaves his space,
As a successful “Sorry” token
Who finally made it home,
Or a monopoly piece in jail
Because it costs too much to roam.

I that this 38-year-old
Doesn’t want to leave.
I just think I’m most valuable
At home, deterring thieves.
And while I don’t have money
It’s unfair to scoff
‘Cause any day my Etsy store
Is going to take off!

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The Boss’s Song

Whoever built this universe
Gave me a lousy deal.
I’m the world’s strongest failure,
And that’s a lousy way to feel.

See, I have a job I cannot leave
For which I am reviled,
Waiting for a protagonist
To arrive at my domicile

To strike me down with spell and steel,
And even if I win
He saved his game, and back he comes,
Our battle to begin.

If that is not a handicap
Sufficient for your taste,
My actions are predetermined.
My talents are a waste.

And so, grand noble hero
Please take this victory
And feel proud of the achievement
Of beating poor old me.

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Obfuscate and Pursue

I play hide-and-go-seek with happiness
And a sly hider I’ve found it to be.
I’ve looked in the obvious places,
But found little appealing to me.

I searched through arts and sciences,
And geographical sites galore,
But whenever I find some happiness
I’m not happy, because I want more.

And then when I tire
And I decide to quit playing,
Happiness comes out
From where it was staying.

What I learned from the game,
At least the way I construe it,
Is that happiness hides
Only when you pursue it.

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