Tag Archives: Hard Rock

What I Want For Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas

And in every shop

The employees were praying

For the music to stop.

Then over the speakers

There came a great roar

Of earsplitting guitar,

Bass, and four on the floor.

The singer was screaming

About who-on-Earth-knows

And the customers shopping

For last minute clothes

Stood still in the aisles

And heard the hard rock

And were grateful to that guy

Who turned off the schlock.

An employee was fired

For changing the playlist

But the customers rallied

And described him as “A-list”

And as he departed

And the carols returned

The shoppers revolted…

Firing overturned!

So the metal resumed

And the shoppers came back

And they purchased roast beef

And sang “Back In Black”.

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“Satan’s Bear Spray” Gets A New Band Member

Heavy metal music

Could really benefit

If the makers would include

More harmonicas in it,

‘Cause in between the screaming,

Angry lyrics, and casual sin

You might think the bands are scary.

That’s where harmonicas come in!

“I want to thrash your eyes out!”

Screams a man who’s nicknamed “Blight,”

Then the harmonica gently vibrates

As if to say “it’s all alright.”

It would be an innovation

To the predominant metal sound,

And you’d find cheerier venues

With more harmonicas around.

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