Tag Archives: Second Best

The Event Of A Lifetime

They hosted a party

On the banks of the Styx

For the vice-presidents

And the second-round picks,

The guys who won silver,

Who went out with a flicker,

And all the cheerleaders

Who dated the kicker.

They hosted a party

For the closely defeated

To celebrate those

Who quite nearly succeeded.

I was invited

But stayed home instead

‘Cause I hadn’t stopped trying

And wasn’t yet dead.

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From The Assistant Captain

I’m very proud if my teammate, Ted

Who always… ALWAYS… Gets out of bed.

You really proud of my teammate, Ben,

Who almosy always gets a few out of ten.

I’m really proud of my teammate Jon,

Who really has improved a ton.

But I’m noy proud of my teammate Rick.

Our MVP… What a dick!

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Better Than #2

If “penultimate” means second to last,
And Pennsylvania is not as cool
As Transylvania of the past,
We have confirmed a rule:

“Pen,” the prefix, implies lesser status.
Now I, being a man with taste
Have used the pencils advertised at us
Even though that’s apparently a waste.

I think public education
Could improve the endowment of skill
If we reduced frustration
And gave our kids a cil.

Let’s make our schools the very best:
Use a #1 cil on standardized tests!

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