I don’t like to caugh,
But I like coffee.
I don’t know what “toff” is
But I sure do like toffee.
I’m not thrilled by chewing,
But I like Han and Chewie,
And if you understand the above
I might just like you-ee.
Tag Archives: Silly
Everything’s Better with “e”
Filed under Poems
Godzilla Retires
I bought a pet Godzilla
From my buddy down the street.
He’s a fire-breathing dinosaur,
Which I think is pretty neat.
He’s also quite the actor,
And he’s very, very sweet.
But he’s retired now,
And I call him Jumbo Pete.
Filed under Poems
I Once Had a Cow…
Udders and spots and bells and poo:
These are the things that remind me of you.
And whenever I miss your voice or your smile
I drink some milk and remember a while.
Filed under Poems
Thunder and Lightening: The Myth of Thor
The God of thunder
Sat in the dark
Drinking souls from an ancient cup.
Then his wife walked in
With a daylight bulb.
She was just lightening the whole place up.
So Mr. Thunder shut his door.
He was rubbed the wrong way.
He was rubbed downright Thor.
Filed under Poems
To My Favorite Technology
Pillowcase, pillowcase
You’ve served me for years.
You’ve covered my pillow
And captured my tears.
Pillowcase, pillowcase
You’ve tousled my hair
And prevented my pillow
From much wear and tear.
Pillowcase, pillowcase
On you I have laid.
My only question now
Is how were you made?
Filed under Poems
Medicine
I smoked an aspirin once
While I was riding on a train.
I saw iridescent rainbows
And a world devoid of pain.
Then I smoked Viagra,
And man was that a joy!
I grew just like Pinocchio.
I felt like a real boy.
Filed under Poems
Parenthood
The most important thing you do
As I parent I expect
Is naming your child in a good way,
So they will live a life that’s correct.
If your last name is “Handbasket,” don’t name your kid “Helena.”
If your last name is “Cummins,” don’t name your kid “Dick.”
If your last name is “Cox,” don’t name your kid “Maya.”
If your last name is “Shaw,” don’t name your kid “Rick.”
If you do these things, your child will be fine
As long as when your pregnant you don’t drink too much wine.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Good Morning Moon
Originally composed in 2012, this epic poem spans the bridge between treatise and children’s poetry. It reveals to us our own ephemeral lifestyle of insults, mindlessness, depression, old ladies whispering “hush,” and the African tourism industry Now, published for the first time, this masterpiece of modern literature, no, the definition of the future of art, is made accessible to the general public. Also, the emperor’s new wardrobe has arrived).
Good morning room,
Good morning moon.
Why are you up in the day
You stupid buffoon?
Good morning chairs
Good morning bears.
Good morning kittens
And the hairballs they spittin’s.
Good morning clocks
And good morning socks.
And green eggs and ham rocks
In a box with a fox.
Good morning comb
And good morning brush.
I feel like a nobody…
My heart turns to mush.
(And something about an old lady
Whispering “Hush.”)
Good bye stars
And good bye air.
I’m going on vacation to somewhere in Zaire.
You get it, right?
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
We All Know One Of These (Sort Of)
Broccoli, celery, artichokes, grapes,
Candy corn, hamburgers, cheeses and crepes.
Around eating these foods I do carefully traipse,
Because I am a picky eater.
Sour cream, margarine, butter, and gee.
These dairy products don’t taste good to me,
And when I see them I feel need to flee
Because I am a picky eater.
I only eat pizzas if cut in a square.
I never eat sausage or hosenfeffer.
My nutritionist’s angry, but I really don’t care
Because I am a picky eater.
However, there’s something I do like to eat.
You might find it creepy, but I think it’s a treat
To munch on my friends, their hands and their feet,
‘Cause I like to eat picky eaters.
Filed under Poems
Plato and Play-doh
Plato was a philosopher,
Play-doh is a goop.
Plato had a closet.
Play-doh has a scoop.
Plato wrote and changed the world.
Play-doh isn’t alive.
But I would bet if play-doh wrote
Its writing would change lives.
You can contemplate deep writing
Or nom a chewy clot.
The only real difference is
Do you like fun or not?
