Tag Archives: Names

Women Will Change You

There once was a man named Beyoncé

Who wanted to have a fiancee

But the girls were all like

“Why’s your name not like ‘Mike?’”

Now he goes by his middle name: Chauncey.

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Poor Guy…

I think if you want

Your kid to not be pitied

Name him “Nography.”

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Before Chad And Karen, There Was This Guy

Just because his name is Curtis

Doesn’t mean that he is curt.

Just because her name is Cindy

Doesn’t mean that she’s a sinner.

Just because my name is Dick

Doesn’t mean I feelings hurt.

Now where, my wifey dearest,

Is my mother****ing dinner?

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New England Whalers (I Looked It Up)

Since I’m now in the habit

Of poems that are quick:

Whoever named Sperm Whales

Was really a dick.

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When Gen Z Starts Procreating

If I ever have a baby

With the person I call “Honey,”

I will name it “In the Headlights”

‘Cause when we sing “Happy Birthday” it’ll be funny.

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It’s “Queeva,” Actually…

A young Irish man in his prime

Loved a lassie who gave him a lime.

He said, “Darling Caoimhe,

“I’ll never leave ya.”

And yes, that does actually rhyme.

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Millennial Parenting Takes Another Small Step

If your name were Bedtime

And asked for a bedtime story

People might share anecdotes

Of you in all your glory.

Your children might get all confused

When it’s their rest-your-head time

And you ask them to ask you

“Tell me a story, Bedtime?”

Or say you want a lesson

In a subject like history

And you have to tell somebody

“Tell me, Bedtime, a story.”

One thing no one asks though

Is why Bedtime isn’t sad

When he tells the story of the time

He killed his mom and dad…

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Individuality, But At What Caust?

A black guy names his kid J’Kwon

And no one bats an eye.

In Florida kids are named X-wing

And no one asks them why.

I choose a name like this

For the son I fathered

But when I say “My son, Z’Kyle”

The jews get hot and bothered…

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Math Meets Meth

They said “Name every number.”

I said “Paul.”

They couldn’t refute my argument

And, thus, that was all.

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Millennial Parents Be Like…

The dentist asked three little boys

“Every day do you floss?”

Jeff said “Yes”

And Jeph said “Yes”

And Geoff said “Yeos.”

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