What would you do
For a million dollars?
Some would sell their souls
Or become sales-callers.
Some would kill, some would cheat,
Some would steal, some would rage,
But I’ll just work 80 years
Earning minimum wage.
Tag Archives: Wealth
The Rich Man Thinketh
I’ve developed a nasty growth,
A blighting blob of bloat
Called a sense of self-importance.
I have a strong desire to gloat.
Considering my presence
On this great orb on which we float
I realize how unhealthy this is,
Yet I’ll still buy that fur coat.
Filed under Poems
Celebrity
I’m not saying
He was poor,
But he had no knocker
On his door.
He had one fridge
And one garage
And he used paper
In his collage.
He only owned
Twelve pairs of shoes
And rarely ever
Was on the news.
His watch was bought
For less than his car.
Lol! Peasants…
Humbly yours, The Star.
Filed under Poems
If I Had A Lot Of Money
If I had a lot of money
I would make the world a little more funny.
If I had a lot of money
I would create scholarships
For “liberal studies” majors,
Because the world needs more jokes.
If I had a lot of money
I would buy a TV station
And have it play “Groundhog Day”
On repeat forever, because irony.
If I had a lot of money
I would buy all the yachts
And rename them after penis puns
Then sell them back to their original owners,
But only the ones who didn’t laugh
Because rich people who don’t laugh at penis puns
Are the reasons I write poems like this in the first place.
If I had a lot of money
I would apologize to the liberal studies majors
But only because I prefer a leafless pool.
If I had a lot of money
I would eat really well,
But never what was on the menu
And always something with lots of cinnamon
Because cinnamon farming is hard work
And those guys deserve support,
But also because I really like cinnamon.
If I had a lot of money
I would defund the space program
And put that money into teleportation research
Because seriously people, priorities!
If I had a lot of money
I would roll in my money,
But only the paper bills
And only once,
And whenever I paid people with that money
I would look sheepish
Because my paper money was all wrinkled
And because I’m a nice guy
Despite having a lot of money
And because I kind of look like a sheep.
If I had a lot of money
It would be because people bought my books.
Just sayin’.
If I had a lot of money
I wouldn’t have a fancy car
Because women already like me plenty
And to show my support for teleportation research.
If I had a lot of money
I would have a dog named cinnamon
And a yacht named “Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the D.”
If I had a lot of money
I would have so much money
That money could buy me love.
I’d buy love for all the people I’ve hurt
With my poetry these last few years
And for the liberal studies majors
Who aren’t going to find it any other way.
If I had a lot of money
I would be very rich.
Until then, I’m voting Bernie Sanders.
Filed under Poems
Eight of Diamonds
There are 54 cards in a deck,
And only twelve are royalty.
I feel sorry for the folks
Who are stuck as a two or a three.
I wondered what card I was:
I’ve not the talent to be an ace,
And I’m really not a joker.
Would I ever find my place?
And then strolling down the sidewalk
I found eight diamonds on the ground,
So I sold them. Now I’m rich
And I don’t worry about this crap anymore.
Dragon Logic
To be man with aspirations
Of power, wealth, and fame
Is just to be a failed dragon.
Here, let me explain:
A dragon spends its day
Making money and making noise
And sits in its lair in the evening
Counting billions of new toys.
If a human does the same
And becomes a zillionaire
He still won’t be a dragon.
The dragon says “so there.”
The Daily Travesty 