Have you ever looked up at a cloud
And spoken of its looks aloud?
“That one looks like Canada.”
“I thought it looked like a pelican. Huh.”
It’s a childish game, I guarantee
But play it once to help you see
That a childish game just once a day
Makes fluffy and white what once was gray.
Filed under Poems
Just ask any tuna
You happen to see
What’s the best mermaid?
Unanimously
They’ll answer with bubbles
And by swimming away,
‘Cause mermaids are trouble
And they like it that way.
Filed under Poems
Oh my, you must be very deep
To paint a flock of birds
With such philosophy being implied
You can’t put it into words.
Likewise those blocks of red and blue
Or that black diagonal swipe
Has all the meaning in the world,
But none that you can type.
Filed under Poems
They were selling shining armor
Of a glossy silver sheen,
But in armor so cliché
This knight would not be seen
For I’m not just a crusader;
I’m a pretty darn cool cat
‘Cause I passed on shining armor
In favor of the matte.
Filed under Poems
Catching tigers by the toe
Is a very prudent way to go.
The tiger will extend his thanks.
This poem paid for by Tiger Food Banks.
Filed under Poems
You say I’m small and round and pink.
You’d probably say I’m cute,
But I’ll change your life ’til your naughty words
Are “darn” and “fudge” and “shoot.”
I scream and cry at random,
Especially on planes
And when I get an allowance
I’ll spend it all on trains.
When I grow up I’ll be the first
Astronaut/Magician
Unless I become a firefighter,
President, and magician.
Then when I get to college
(If that’s the path I take)
I’ll send you Facebook pictures
Of me with girls and a snake.
I’ll graduate with a B.A
In a field like liberal studies
‘Cause you funded five long years
For me and my frat buddies.
And then I’ll work for forty years
And die a tired man.
That’s why I want to skip college
And go live in my van.
Filed under Poems
I bought a pair of magic pants
That made me really good at dance.
I was a prodigy of being cool,
Like none before at this high school.
I danced with all the senior boys
And hopped and swung and made some noise.
Now afterwards, I have a hunch
My pants weren’t magic; That was the punch.
Filed under Poems
If life gives you lemons
I hope you have water
And sugar and someone
With whom you can drink.
If life gives you lemons
Ask for apples instead
‘Cause they’re good by their lonesomes.
That’s what I think.
Filed under Poems
I know you love my carrot cake
Whenever I get the urge to bake,
So I cannot understand why
You didn’t like my carrot pie.
Filed under Poems
One black drop in a gilded cage.
A red drop falls at its flank.
And so they pile upon themselves
Like tears, but far less dank.
And so we build a motif
‘Til the discs can fall no more
And one man slumps, defeated,
Since his rival connected four.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 