Some see beauty in the city lights,
Some in the rising sun.
I see beauty in burritos.
Am I not the only one?
See, a burrito all begins
With a flat, round wheat tortilla.
It’s a metaphor of the world,
At least I think. Can’t you see-a?
Then you add the rice and beans,
The white, black, and brown blokes.
Then you cover them in cheese,
And voila! That’s all there is folks.
A burrito is a symbol
Of world peace and harmony.
So take a bite of that roll-so-tight.
Mmm. Tastes like unity.
Filed under Poems
I looked into the maw,
The symbol of demise.
I gazed into the maw
Though its breathing burned my eyes.
I stared into the maw,
Fearsome, darkened, and devoid.
Then I smiled at the maw
And offered it an altoid.
Filed under Poems
My mind is an elm tree,
Or cedar, or spruce,
But not like the kind
That like to produce.
My mind may or may not
Be like a tree,
But it’s an excuse for a poem.
Did you expect better from me?
(And yes, this is happening
On New Year day three).
Filed under Poems
Once there stood a golden man
Who lived behind the glass.
He held a pose of triumph
Since he caught that touchdown pass.
For the first few years, he was well loved,
And people passing by
Would comment on that fateful game
And murmur, “What a guy.”
But as all things will die away,
So too the glory faded.
The visits and the murmurs stopped,
And the golden man got jaded.
One Winter day when school let out,
The golden man stepped down,
Opened his cage and ran away
Off to another town.
And when the children came again
And saw the case, they wondered
What person had done the act
That tore man and plinth asunder.
That day the base was thrown away
And the gold man was forgotten,
And a few days later no one cared,
And life just kept on trottin’.
And miles away, the golden man
Tossed his football to himself,
Happier having acted than
Forgotten on his shelf.
And thus is fame, gone with the win.
Victory comes when the new games begin.
Filed under Poems
I got a dragon for Christmas,
And where my house used to be
Not a creature is stirring.
No, not even me.
See, it arrived all wrapped up
In gold wrapping paper.
I opened it, unaware
Of the upcoming caper.
Sure enough, once unwrapped
It flew into a rage,
And the dragon broke out
Of its carrying cage.
It blew fire from its nose
And gave off a roar
And it kept doing this
‘Til my house was no more.
Then it rose from the rubble
That it had created
And flew into the sky,
Its destructive urge sated.
So I lay down to sleep
Near a burnt fallen log,
And dream of next Christmas
When I’ll ask for a dog.
Filed under Poems
This Thanksgiving we’re giving
A meet and greet dinner,
Where new friends and old
Come to get much un-thinner.
Some guests shamble in,
Having fasted for hours,
Bearing pot-lucky food
And some freshly bought flowers.
A few hours later
We’ve chatted our chat,
So the guests head for home,
And all that is that.
Thanksgiving was given,
And food has been eaten,
And old friends and new
Have farewelled and been greeten.
What more could I want?
I am so truly blessed.
Ooh looky, half off
That new Gucci vest!
Filed under Poems
I stubbed my toe
And broke my nail.
I tried a new sport
And I epically failed.
I hit on a girl
And was soundly rejected.
My movie was grainy,
And was poorly projected.
My stomach’s upset
From that beanie burrito,
And I’m scratching a bite
From an angry mosquito.
I’m too sickly to go
For a night on the town,
And to top it all off,
My house just burned down!
But in all of this anguish
I feel pretty neat,
‘Cause there are sports I can play
With my two healthy feet.
I speak freely to women
And also with men,
And I can watch the same movie
Again and again.
There’s so much food to eat
Even bugs get their fill,
And maybe I’ll build
My new house on a hill.
My life was disturbed
By these happenings fateful,
But life’s what you choose,
And I choose to be grateful.
Filed under Poems
I still remember the first girl I loved,
Though I will not say her name.
I was her seventh-grade knight in cargo pants.
She was my white-bloused seventh grade dame.
Today we’re friends, if only online,
But we seldom text or chat.
We write a note when birthdays come,
But rarely more than that.
Despite the distance and nonchalance
She’ll always have a place
In this man’d heart, and in my mind
I’ll always know her face.
The first love we know never goes away,
Invulnerable to time.
So make sure your kid in seventh grade
Never falls in love with a mime.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
I once met a cowboy
Who went ba the name o’ Jed.
Had a cactus for a pilla,
And the prairie was ‘is bed.
He done met a lass he fancied,
Who went ba the name o’ Mary,
But he lost interest when
He couldn’t get her into prairie.
I wanted a home
where the buffalo roam,
And to wake at the rise of the sun.
Well I got like I wanted,
But my thoughts still are haunted
By my daddy waving ” Good Bison.”
There once was a matchmaker
Who lived in Dixie land.
Whenever folks got married,
In it, she had a hand.
Well you should hear what she said
When her own love did end:
“Good sir, you want to ride this horse,
But this horse just wants to be friends.”
Filed under Poems
When life knocks you down
And no relief do you see,
When the joy you invite
Doesn’t RSVP,
When you’re proverbially fishing
But only catch kelps,
Just think about bacon.
I hope that this helps.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
