Today I give thanks
For 93-octane gas…
The kind that nobody buys;
It just sits in tanks
While people say “pass,”
But remains both potent and wise.
Tag Archives: Thanksgiving
Feel Free To Replace “Bauer” With That One… Special Person
‘Twas the day before Thanksgiving
And all of the Bauers
Were being ungrateful
For 24 hours
For tomorrow they knew
They must put on a smile
And pretend to be happy,
At least for a while.
Then out of the sun
Did a meteor fall
And struck down the Bauers
And flattened them all.
On Thanksgiving that followed
This disaster from God
Everyone else was happy,
Which no one found odd…
Filed under Poems
Obligatory Thanksgiving Poem
Today’s the day we give our thanks
To those who made the lending banks
Who’ll help us spend the day to come
By buying stuff until we’re numb.
We’ll also eat some spuds and birds
As we exchange our thankful words,
Then look outside and see the sweet
Bright lights of Christmas across the street.
Filed under Poems
Oh, Also My Fans, Whether Or Not They Give Me Money
Today we express gratitude
For all that we enjoy.
I’m grateful I can eat a lot
Of meat instead of soy,
That I’m allowed to shoot a turkey
But can buy one at a store,
And for fuzzy fleece blankets.
That’s what I’m thankful for!
Filed under Poems
…Which Is In 52 Minutes Because Life
I’m grateful for my blessings.
I’m thankful for my friends.
My family’s a wellspring
Through which all my trouble ends.
I’ve so much joy I’ll lend it out
To those who need to borrow,
But I won’t express my gratitude;
I’m saving it for tomorrow.
Filed under Poems
Obligatory Thanksgiving Poem XIVII
I’m thankful for my family
And to you, my faithful fan.
Thanks to you I made this poem
Very short, because I can.
Filed under Poems
I’m Thankful for Obligatory Topics
I’m thankful that the turkey
On my table is dead
And that at ten A.M
I can write poems in bed.
I’m thankful that if my poem
On Thanksgiving isn’t great
I won’t be washed away
By a necrotic wave of hate.
I’m thankful that necrotic waves
Are very rare occurrences
And that I’ve found employment
Selling life and health assurances.
I’m thankful to be dealt a hand
Of aces. Just the same
I’m glad I’ve got the self-control
To just avoid the game.
I’m thankful for soft blankets,
The ability to play,
And Naoko Takeuchi,
But not “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
Finally, I’m thankful for
My readers (that means you)!
Happy Thanksgiving from the States,
And don’t forget to chew.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
A Thanksgiving Poem (Naughty)
This Thanksgiving we’re giving
A meet and greet dinner,
Where new friends and old
Come to get much un-thinner.
Some guests shamble in,
Having fasted for hours,
Bearing pot-lucky food
And some freshly bought flowers.
A few hours later
We’ve chatted our chat,
So the guests head for home,
And all that is that.
Thanksgiving was given,
And food has been eaten,
And old friends and new
Have farewelled and been greeten.
What more could I want?
I am so truly blessed.
Ooh looky, half off
That new Gucci vest!
Filed under Poems
A Thanksgiving Poem (Nice)
I stubbed my toe
And broke my nail.
I tried a new sport
And I epically failed.
I hit on a girl
And was soundly rejected.
My movie was grainy,
And was poorly projected.
My stomach’s upset
From that beanie burrito,
And I’m scratching a bite
From an angry mosquito.
I’m too sickly to go
For a night on the town,
And to top it all off,
My house just burned down!
But in all of this anguish
I feel pretty neat,
‘Cause there are sports I can play
With my two healthy feet.
I speak freely to women
And also with men,
And I can watch the same movie
Again and again.
There’s so much food to eat
Even bugs get their fill,
And maybe I’ll build
My new house on a hill.
My life was disturbed
By these happenings fateful,
But life’s what you choose,
And I choose to be grateful.
Filed under Poems
