Tag Archives: Bacon

They DO Hoard Gold And Love Princesses…

Today a friend was stalking me

Online (with my permission)

And came upon this blog o’ mine

(A most unwise decision)

And as we got to talking

She inspired me to write

A poem about dragons,

Thus my topic for tonight!

But what about a dragon

Would amuse a reader new?

Perhaps my thoughts on bacon

From a dragon’s point of view!

For if I were a dragon

And consumed my daily meat

I’d think a dragon with good taste

Would think bacon’s a treat…

But how’s a mighty villain

Who’s as hateful as he’s big

Going to get the finest strippings

Of the kingdom’s finest pig?

Now, I am not a dragon

(Through no fault of mine… I’m trying!)

And so thinking with a dragon’s mind’s

As likely as pigs flying,

And since there is no evidence

That dragons found a way

To eat sufficient bacon

To make problems go away

I came to the conclusion

That I think must ring true-ish…

Dragons don’t eat bacon,

Therefore dragons must be Jewish!

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The Problem With Quotes

Just because a wise man said it

Doesn’t make it wise.

A wise man says “No bacon for me,”

But, plot twist! He eventually dies.

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40 Virgins Is A Better Incentive… Just Saying

They mentioned becoming Jewish.

They said I ought and should.

Then the bris and lack of bacon came up

And Hell started to sound real good.

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BTW I’m Not Jewish

She lay beside me

Still in her white dress.

My mouth was alight in her taste.

Her skin was like russet.

Her body was slender

From tip-to-tip, straight in the waist.

She was my fantasy,

Food on my table,

Sustaining me all through the day.

So although it is weird

To put a dress on bacon

I do it ’cause she is my bae.

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If I Order A Bacon Cheeseburger In Canada What Will I Get?

Is bacon in Canada

Canadian bacon?

Is a pig in Guinea

A guinea pig?

Is this issue important

Like I seem to be makin’

Or is it an issue

Not nearly so big?

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Analogies Only Go So Far

Cooking bacon

Is like installing updates

On a computer

With too little RAM:

It’s seems to take hours

And it spits oil at you

All to make you get fatter,

But when it’s done… Dayum!

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Bacon is like Hell,

As I know all too well.

Both hurt in the end,

And the scars never mend,

But before all that, they’re swell!

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Childish Dreams

As a child I planted bacon

To grow a bacon tree.

The others said it wouldn’t work,

But I said “wait and see.”
Summers passed and kids gree up.

The soil, it stayed flat.

My friends got educations,

But I’d no time for that.
Some guys got jobs and girlfriends.

I stuck with my feat though,

‘Cause one of these days my dreams will come true

And I will see my meat grow.

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When life knocks you down
And no relief do you see,

When the joy you invite
Doesn’t RSVP,

When you’re proverbially fishing
But only catch kelps,

Just think about bacon.
I hope that this helps.

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