And herbivore eats herbs
And a carnivore eats meat
And an omnivore eats everything
Which I think’s really neat.
I don’t have a lot of money
And traveling in Spain was I
And somebody said “Por favor”
And now I’m just waiting to die.
Tag Archives: Fear
Please Confirm Password… Please!
Some people are scared of spiders,
Some people are scared of mice,
But everyone’s scared of making a password
And typing the same mistake twice.
Filed under Poems
When You’re A Cop, She Knows A Lawyer, And #MeToo Is Trending
I looked at her chest
And she called me rude
Though she walked down the street
Ninety-eight percent nude.
Yes, she was a burglar
But she had a vag
So I saved myself trouble
And turned in my badge.
I wanted to uphold
The laws of the land
But somewhere the culture
Got quite out of hand.
Had I filmed the occasion
‘Twould be legal, but hey!
Now I play “Call Of Duty”
And tell folks I’m gay.
Filed under Poems
A Male Perspective
Your presence is like ice cream
Eaten with a wooden spoon
While a puppy sits upon my lap
Some Sunday afternoon.
Your voice is like a raindrop
After seven years of drought.
I’m acting like a macho dude
For fear that you’ll find out.
Filed under Poems
Paper Heart
Twenty years or so before
I turned the age of 24
I feared to give a paper heart
To that one special lass.
Ten years after, now 14
I’ve had my eye on other queens
But my feeling for the paper heart girl
Never seems to pass.
In the present world we find
Our troubled and still childish mind
Called to give the other sex
Eternal loyalty.
I’m loyal to who understands
My paper heart and shaking hands.
Does she still exist? Perhaps
In ten more years we’ll see.
Filed under Poems
The Vanishing Glass
They can trap us in their zoo
Behind their walls of glass
And teach us social boundaries
That we’re not allowed to pass,
Feed us just enough bad news
To keep our anger stoked
So we don’t see the sedatives
With which we’re being poked.
We the livestock draw the crowds
Of wealthy and elected
Whose power cries more loudly
Than the souls they have neglected.
They say they’ll cure our poverty
If they can have their way
Then toast with million dollar wine
And fly their jets away.
We watch the birds who fly outside
This zoo we somehow cherish.
We think that if we join them
We would starve or freeze or perish,
Yet the glass is not unbreakable
In our patron’s steel zoo.
Some of us still crave the sky
And so I ask: Do you?
When You’re Flying In 16A
Like the great beluga whale
It weighs a couple tons,
Is pale as homemade yogurt,
And very seldom runs,
It makes a high-pitched squealing
When it means to share its views.
It mentions it’s in 16B
And apparently that’s good news?
Filed under Poems
The Rebuke of Sgt. Stayalive
Bring thy swords and don thy mail.
Ensure your steed is fed.
We’ll ride before the morning
And may never go to bed.
Bestill the fear within your hearts
Though the menace so approacheth.
If thou disobey these things
Then thou we will reproacheth.
Our phalanx must stand in unity.
Our legion must conglomerate.
Your questioning, if it should show,
Brings nothing but drama ‘r hate.
We ride! We ride to battle!
To death and glorious war!
And it doesn’t help morale if you
Keep asking “but what for?”
Filed under Poems
RIP Bob (1945-2014), Most Valuable Employee (2015-Present)
A lot of Toms and Dicks and Harrys
Think of death as something scary,
But I see little cause for fright
In the unknown of an endless night.
Say a chicken passed away.
Some would cry and weep and sway
But I would fry it in some lard
In lieu of writing a sympathy card.
So if a friend or neighbor dies
Would it not be equally wise
Not to equate God to a beast
But to sell the corpse to Fancy Feast?
And if you are the one to pass
Why not do it with some class?
You’re dead, but life need not end. How?
Well, some call centers are hiring now…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 