What a day!
May 25!
Let’s celebrate that
You’re still alive!
Some years were good,
Some years were tough,
But we celebrate them all
By buying you stuff!
The folks you know
Will email and call
And write well wishes
On your Facebook wall.
And then at the end
You’ll be delighted to see
This snazzy poem
To you from me.
Filed under Poems
Sixty-one candles,
Two and a half beards
Celebrating your many,
Many, many, many years.
I wrote these stanzas
To know that you smiled.
Happy Birthday Mom
From your second-best child.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Murderous harlots,
Criminal trollops,
And other such vagrants
Gathereth here.
They bring you candles
And tall paper hats
To cherish your living
Another whole year.
They blow on noisemakers
And sing stupid songs,
Cut open your cake
With a cold-steel blade.
A few sacrifice
A goat in your honor.
Throughout it all
Your face remains staid.
As your friends dance
In your post-birthday haze
You lighten their purses
And head out the door.
You retire wealthy,
And don’t even mind
That your D&D group
Doesn’t like you no more.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Three short poems in a row
May feel a bit like cheating
Today’s this poet’s birthday
And I’m much too busy eating.
Filed under Poems
My yearly birthday ritual
Is something to behold,
Though it’s tasteless and repugnant
I am very often told.
I start the day by flossing
For the first time in a year
For you are just what you eat
And the data’s all right here.
Then I right down my wishes
And goals for the coming year
Which flow so much more smoothly
After a quart or two of beer.
Then I take a nap
On the floor beside my couch
After which I try to do some squats
That end up as a slouch.
Then I might contact all my friends
And tell them of their flaws
Or drive to the police station
And break some petty laws,
And as no one posts my bail
Thus ends my birthday drill.
Now the year’s worst day is over.
From now on it’s all uphill.
Filed under Poems
By my sister you first became “Mother.”
Then you made me, the brother.
Dad helped with that too, and how-do-you-do,
We’re a family like no other.
But this family really started
When off your mom was carted
To the delivery room, then bang-clang-kerploom!
From her body you departed.
And so this day we do
Take time to celebrate you.
Not with cheap paper hats (we are cooler than that’s),
But with a birthday choo-choo boogaloo.
(Figuratively speaking).
So whether weather is warm or cold,
You we will will hug, kiss, and hold.
So have a wonderful year, and just to be clear,
Our love for you never grows old.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Today’s my birthday.
I don’t feel like writing much.
Thus, this haiku post.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Dear sister, on this special day,
That occurs in August instead of May,
You’re twenty-one! Yay oh yay!
And so I mean to simply say
Happy Birthday Katy!
You make you joyful when I’m sick,
And our shared gutter mindedness is quite slick.
I mean that in a good way, not like “ick.”
You get what I mean by that, ’cause your mind is quick.
Happy Birthday Katy!
Today you can have a gun or drink alcohol.
You want to do one of those, the other not at all.
This being on a blog, people will likely not comprehend the correct option, ’cause they’re not as smart as you. Not at all!
(And if my readers are mad at my rudeness or my long lines, I’ll take the fall).
Happy Birthday Katy!
And thus your birthday is immortalized by a travesty,
As was your full name by the hurricane that started with “Katri…”
This poem’s going downhill if you see what I see,
So I’ll sign off now. Thank you Sus-comma-Je!
Happy Birthday Katy!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 