Tag Archives: Birthday

Happy Birthday (And You Smell Like One Too)

Jubilations on the most recent anniversary

Of your extra-uteral emergence into the nursery.

Your visage has an undeniable simian similarity

And your olfactory signature is also resemblant, although cursory.

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For Those Of You Wondering…

Whether getting or giving,

As long as you’re living,

No matter how epic the thrift

It will always be true…

(Just between me and you)

Life insurance is a bad birthday gift.

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What We Really Mean

Happy birthday Facebook friend!

This past year your life didn’t end.

You didn’t factor much into my life.

We’re only friends ’cause of my wife.

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Back To The Future XVII

Today is my birthday.

I’m seven days old.

From now on when they tell me

“Park the DeLorean”

I’ll do what I’m told.

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If By Some Zany Coincidence It Happens To Be Your Birthday Today…

What a day! 

May 25!

Let’s celebrate that 

You’re still alive!

Some years were good,

Some years were tough,

But we celebrate them all

By buying you stuff!

The folks you know

Will email and call

And write well wishes

On your Facebook wall.

And then at the end

You’ll be delighted to see

This snazzy poem

To you from me.

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May 25th

Sixty-one candles,

Two and a half beards

Celebrating your many,

Many, many, many years.
I wrote these stanzas

To know that you smiled.

Happy Birthday Mom

From your second-best child.

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The Rogue Turns 21

Murderous harlots,

Criminal trollops,

And other such vagrants

Gathereth here.

They bring you candles

And tall paper hats

To cherish your living

Another whole year.
They blow on noisemakers

And sing stupid songs,

Cut open your cake

With a cold-steel blade.

A few sacrifice

A goat in your honor.

Throughout it all

Your face remains staid.
As your friends dance

In your post-birthday haze

You lighten their purses

And head out the door.

You retire wealthy,

And don’t even mind

That your D&D group

Doesn’t like you no more.

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A Comment on Current Events

Three short poems in a row
May feel a bit like cheating
Today’s this poet’s birthday
And I’m much too busy eating.

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A Birthday Travesty

My yearly birthday ritual
Is something to behold,
Though it’s tasteless and repugnant
I am very often told.

I start the day by flossing
For the first time in a year
For you are just what you eat
And the data’s all right here.

Then I right down my wishes
And goals for the coming year
Which flow so much more smoothly
After a quart or two of beer.

Then I take a nap
On the floor beside my couch
After which I try to do some squats
That end up as a slouch.

Then I might contact all my friends
And tell them of their flaws
Or drive to the police station
And break some petty laws,

And as no one posts my bail
Thus ends my birthday drill.
Now the year’s worst day is over.
From now on it’s all uphill.

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Happy Birthday Mom!

By my sister you first became “Mother.”
Then you made me, the brother.
Dad helped with that too, and how-do-you-do,
We’re a family like no other.

But this family really started
When off your mom was carted
To the delivery room, then bang-clang-kerploom!
From her body you departed.

And so this day we do
Take time to celebrate you.
Not with cheap paper hats (we are cooler than that’s),
But with a birthday choo-choo boogaloo.
(Figuratively speaking).

So whether weather is warm or cold,
You we will will hug, kiss, and hold.
So have a wonderful year, and just to be clear,
Our love for you never grows old.

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