Tag Archives: Birthday

Notice I Didn’t Mention Her Age 😋

Happy Birthday Mother!

You gave birth like no other

Yo me and my sis,

So you I will kiss

And otherwise shamelessly smother!

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When Gen Z Starts Procreating

If I ever have a baby

With the person I call “Honey,”

I will name it “In the Headlights”

‘Cause when we sing “Happy Birthday” it’ll be funny.

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Happy Birthday (And You Smell Like One Too)

Jubilations on the most recent anniversary

Of your extra-uteral emergence into the nursery.

Your visage has an undeniable simian similarity

And your olfactory signature is also resemblant, although cursory.

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For Those Of You Wondering…

Whether getting or giving,

As long as you’re living,

No matter how epic the thrift

It will always be true…

(Just between me and you)

Life insurance is a bad birthday gift.

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What We Really Mean

Happy birthday Facebook friend!

This past year your life didn’t end.

You didn’t factor much into my life.

We’re only friends ’cause of my wife.

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Back To The Future XVII

Today is my birthday.

I’m seven days old.

From now on when they tell me

“Park the DeLorean”

I’ll do what I’m told.

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If By Some Zany Coincidence It Happens To Be Your Birthday Today…

What a day! 

May 25!

Let’s celebrate that 

You’re still alive!

Some years were good,

Some years were tough,

But we celebrate them all

By buying you stuff!

The folks you know

Will email and call

And write well wishes

On your Facebook wall.

And then at the end

You’ll be delighted to see

This snazzy poem

To you from me.

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May 25th

Sixty-one candles,

Two and a half beards

Celebrating your many,

Many, many, many years.
I wrote these stanzas

To know that you smiled.

Happy Birthday Mom

From your second-best child.

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The Rogue Turns 21

Murderous harlots,

Criminal trollops,

And other such vagrants

Gathereth here.

They bring you candles

And tall paper hats

To cherish your living

Another whole year.
They blow on noisemakers

And sing stupid songs,

Cut open your cake

With a cold-steel blade.

A few sacrifice

A goat in your honor.

Throughout it all

Your face remains staid.
As your friends dance

In your post-birthday haze

You lighten their purses

And head out the door.

You retire wealthy,

And don’t even mind

That your D&D group

Doesn’t like you no more.

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A Comment on Current Events

Three short poems in a row
May feel a bit like cheating
Today’s this poet’s birthday
And I’m much too busy eating.

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