I tried out for the baseball team
And struck out three times in a row.
Then I went to the bar for a bit
And struck out with somebody’s hoe.
I may not be a first baseman
Nor a lady’s man, but I won’t cry.
Sometimes the universe just has to say
“Why don’t you give bowling a try?”
Filed under Poems
They called me “french-fry fingers”
‘Cause I’m just that bad at bowling.
See, oil gets all over the ball
After it starts a rolling.
Then it hits the bowling pins
And knocks down one or two.
Emotionally salty, physically oily,
And that’s why. Comprenez-vous?
Filed under Poems
Bowling balls are very hard
And also very round.
When they strike the bowling line
They make a smacky sound,
And when the balls crash into all
The pretty pear-shaped pins
The guy who threw the ball says “whee”
And everybody grins.
Bowling balls have lots of holes
To slide onto your fingers
And when the game is over with
The happy feeling lingers.
You have to wear some public shoes
But that’s okay, I guess.
Bowling’s basically like sex
But doesn’t make a mess!
Filed under Poems
I hear there’s a big match today,
A real treat for the eyes.
I’m never watched bowling before,
So I’m in for a surprise!
Filed under Poems
Time’s new roman
Was a bold chap
Born in Rome
So I guess
He’s Italic.
He tried to fly,
But with no wings to flap
It was hard
To get Arial.
(Or phallic).
So he took up bowling
And his shoes were Size 12
He bowled strikes
And Strikethroughs.
Pins reset-ica.
And he once bowled a gutter,
And oh did he yell-ve.
He shouted “undo!”
And then
“What the Helvetica!”
Filed under Poems
“I’ve got a grand idea,”
Some terrible person said,
“Of how to extort bowlers
For an extra $2.50 a head.
“We’ll make them rent this tacky shoes
All red and green and orange
And just don’t mention anywhere
How many times they have been wornge.”
Well, that’s my rant in bowling shoes
Repeated here in whole.
The guy who thought up bowling shoes
Must not have had a sole.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 