I went to the movies
With a hefty bag
Of detritus, garbage, and junk
Because you told me
To take out the trash.
This was the date up which I thunk.
Tag Archives: Dating
Linguistically Correct
Filed under Poems
Flightless Bird Seeking Same
A young ostrich nun
Walked into a bar
And met a young emu
With two dozen eggs.
She had been looking
For young souls to teach,
And he for a chick with long legs.
So she squawked and he flirted
And showed her his cartons
And she buried her habited
Head in the sand.
And both of them left,
Neither one satisfied.
Neither one left a tip for the band.
The very next day
The ostrich logged in
To FlightlessBirdsMingle.com
Where she sought others
With broods to be won.
The emu just hired a madame.
Filed under Poems
The Group Date Paradigm
The exodus begins
When the conversation slows.
The first woman says “excuse me,
But I must powder my nose.”
The second woman joins her,
And the rest set in pursuit,
Ensuring the washroom diaspora
Never will be rendered moot.
Meanwhile, the men keep eating
But they cannot help but smile,
For through their lull in conversation
They’ve earned silence for a while.
They ogle other women
And they think about their cars
And how women would be better
If they also came from Mars.
And once the ladies finish
Their powdering and gossip
They go back to the table
Where they face a brand-new toss up:
They can keep on talking
Or be silent like the men.
Thus the guys pretend to listen
‘Til conversation slows again.
Filed under Poems
I Met Her Online
Breaking up is hard for me,
Requiring courage and stuff.
It calls the waves of an emotional sea
And the embrace of blanket fluff.
I hate to say it, and I’ve told you why
Breaking up is hard to do.
That’s why I’ve decided not to break it off.
Instead, I’m just going to shoot you.
Filed under Poems
The Star Spangled Blind Date
Oh say can you see
By the fluorescent lights
That red flag you sought out
On their online profile,
That was written so well,
Focused on good highlights
But it failed to reveal
All the things that were vile.
As the waiters brings food
And your date wrecks the mood
By reciting some thoughts
That are terribly lewd.
“Oh say, did you notice
It’s getting too late for me.
“This was a very special night,”
You lie as you flee.
Filed under Poems, Songs, To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 