Tag Archives: Men

58008 is the new 90210

More men than women study math,

Professionally at least.

This is true from North to South

And also West to East.

It’s not because women are dumb

Or men like math by fate…

It’s that all boys love what happens

When you invert 7,251×8.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Never Fear: I’m Committed To Discovering The Answer Through Careful Hands-On Research

I don’t know if it’s tiny skirts,

Amble chests, or giant eyes

Wherein the popular appeal

Of the anime female lies.

What part of perfect, flowing hair

And cheerful attitudes

Holds such mysterious appeal

To socially awkward dudes?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Canadian Muslim Problems

In December I sat on a frozen lake

And fished for rainbow trout.

The next two months I did the same

‘Cause that’s what I’m about.

This Summer I’m vacationing

Somewhere in the Maldives.

I know there’s no ice-fishing there

But I can avoid my 28 wives.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Princess Fatigue

Ask any man “Would you marry?”

And the man will most-likely say “Sure.”

He’d wear a gold ring for the rest of his days

To announce his commitment to her.

Ask any girl “Would you marry?”

And she’ll smile and say “Yes” with glee.

“And he’d wear a gold ring for the rest of his days

“To announce his commitment to me!”

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

Psalm 6:15 AM

1. And the Lord said: Thou shalt shower

2. And when thou have finished with the shower thou shall dry your face and balls

3. And shall dry thine face first, but sometimes have to dry it again after the balls

4. But fear not, for the Towel has a short memory

5. And where once thine genitals were dried, the spot shall be made clean

6. And the next morning the towel shall be refreshed, as if untouched the day prior.

7. And shouldst thou be aroused at any time

8. Thou shall hang the towel upon the “ready servant” and rejoice in your manliness

8. But thou shall not speak of this ritual to women,

9. ‘Cause bro, why wouldst thou?

The word of the Lord

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Venus In Manhattan

The day that Venus touched my hand

The night was dark upon the land;

The wind was very chill and grim

And the streetlights’ respites scarce and slim.

As her fingers met with mine

I longed for them to intertwine.

I held on tight as she let go.

How chill and grim the wind did blow!

I asked her why she ran away

But, no longer present, she’d naught to say.

And as I stood there all alone

I realized she stole my phone.

Venus, it seems, knew the pickpocket’s art

But knew not that she stole my heart.

So I launched “Find my iPhone”

And followed with a heart of stone

The steps to find my mobile and

The Venus who had touched my hand.

Down I followed many miles

Towards the thief and all her wiles,

Past the park and through the woods

And into shady neighborhoods

Until upon the spot came I

Where Apple said “Your phone’s nearby,”

And there I saw her, Queen of Love,

My iPhone held with woolen glove.

Her fingers danced light as can be

As she stole my identity.

I called out “Venus, I am Joe!”

She shrugged as if to say “I know.”

Then she shot me in the face

With majestic and transcendent grace.

As I descended to the dead

Her visage filled what was left of my head.

And on that dark and stormy night

When Venus’s left hand touched my right…

That hand which held the fated gun

Which well-ensured my life was done…

And whence the chill, grim wind had blown

I learned the downside of testosterone.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Honesty

I used to be wealthy, handsome, and brave.

I used to be known as whom all women crave.

I used to be humble, witty, and wise

But then I stopped speaking in nothing but lies.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems