Tag Archives: Men

To Serve and Protect…

Women live longer

Than men, this is true,

But how many women

Say “I’d die for you”?

Men on the other hand

Say it a lot,

So men must die younger

‘Cause women are hot.

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Being Humble Is Almost As Hard As My Abs

I know I need to be humble,

To be a non-judgmental guy,

But if I said that was easy

What I say would be a lie.

The fact of the matter is I am just

Incredible, without a doubt

To the point where the lesbians love me

And the straightest of men will come out.

When I step out of bed in the morning

The sun is ashamed to be seen

Because how can a glorious light like that

Compare to me? Know what I mean?

So yes, in my mind I’m aware

That humility would serve me well

So I offer my prayers to Heaven…

The same Heaven from which I fell ; )

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Somewhere near you is a man

Who has a loaded gun

And a heart full of unspoken pain.

He cannot see the sun,

Nor can he hear the laughter

Of the squirrels and birds and trees.

He walks upright, but out of sight

He’s fallen to his knees.

Somewhere there’s another man –

It might even be you –

Who gives the first a little nod

That says “I feel it too.”

And sometimes just a nod like that

Is all you need to say

To help a wounded warrior

Put the loaded gun away.

You don’t need superpowers

Or a cape to save the day.

Smiling is enough sometimes

To make the world okay.

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When The Kisses Miss The Missus

When you refuse my kiss

I feel something’s amiss.

When you deny my peck

I think “What the heck?”

When you dodge my caress

I feel some duress.

When you deny being osculated

I feel emosculated.

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This Poem Brought To You By Our Sponsor, “Sir Alabaster Thoroughgood”

There are only two types of men

That I have ever met:

The type who name their genitals

And the type who aren’t born yet.

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Gentlemen Prefer Stalls

Still as a statue,

Deer in the headlights,

Sleeps like a baby,

Calm as can be;

These things are common

But nothing comes close

To how still is my bladder

When you stand next to me.

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Judy Rhymes With Beauty…

People who don’t think gender is real

May have a change of heart

Depending on if the person who says

“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.

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Mistakes Have Been Made

You say you were gloomy,

For quite a long span

When you were a woman

In need of a man.

You say you were sad,

But that’s nothing but talk.

Think of fish without bicycles

Who instead had to walk!

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Men Made Playthings Because They Weren’t Born With Them

When I win a Nobel prize

For literature someday

And it comes time for me to speak

I know just what I’ll say:

I’ll thank my one Y chromosome,

And the reason that I’m citing

Is if I’d been born with boobs

I’d have never started writing.

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Forever Mine

I’m not afraid to make it known

I want this more than you.

I want to find a partner

Who is loyal, kind, and true.

I only want to have one talk,

A talk that never ends,

And to be more than lovers:

To be two forever friends.

I want you to have my kids,

To raise, protect, and feed.

I want to be your every want

And fill your every need.

I want to text you memes at night,

House hunt with you on Zillow,

And when we are a world apart

To smell you on my pillow.

Tonight and every night from now

I’ll wish upon a star

And ask whatever gods may be

To show me who you are.

Until the stars or gods or fate

Fulfill this wish of mine

I’ll work to be the man you want

To call “Forever Mine.”

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