Tag Archives: Men

They’re Like Puppies, But With Testosterone

What if men who’re two feet tall

Are the physical ideal,

The epitome of manliness

With endless lust and zeal?

All the women saying

They prefer a taller guy

Have never seen a two-foot man…

True candy for the eye!

And although such small men are rare,

Precious and petite,

A man who’s 2-foot-6 or so

Is also really neat.

In fact, any guy beneath three feet

Is a slice of masculine heaven

Unless, of course, the manlet stands

Exactly 1’11”

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Just A Tip: Wait ‘Til All Is Revealed

Ladies: I am five-foot-two,

Bald, and overweight

With a salary four figures long

And a commemorative bowling plate.

Now sure, I know you’re thinking

“Does he know how bad that sounds?”

Well… if they circumcised me

I would lose 100 pounds…

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Ignore The Name… I Just Needed A Rhyme

“A picture’s worth a thousand words”

Said Arthur Norman Kuntz.

“Thus, women speak in imagery

“And speak mostly grunts.”

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Some People Get Paid Millions For This…

If you have a friend who is male

Here’s a game that will never get stale:

Find a sports team or three,

Guess who’ll win, disagree…

You’ll be right half the time without fail!

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Deuteronomy 23:2

Last night I read the Bible

‘Cause I was just that bored.

Apparently, “No one whose testicles have been crushed

Or whose penis has been cut off

May be admitted into the company of the Lord.”

So when you settle differences

With fists, and feet as well,

Just remember, a kick to the balls

Is literally a ticket to Hell!

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Boy Bands

If you play songs

In a rock and roll band

That includes no member

With a mammary gland,

Everyone has Y chromosomes

And speaks in few words

Then you might be a band

But you’re sure not The Birds…

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But Honey… We Have Needs

Sometimes we go shopping

Because we have needs

Like cardamom, five-spice,

And sunflower seeds,

A packet of seaweed

And kale-chips-ahoy!

Perhaps we might splurge

For a mint-in-box toy.

When we feel spendy

Perhaps we will pounce

On a bottle of wine

That we cannot pronounce

And then at the end

We’ll return home again

And eat yesterday’s ramen

Because we are men.

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The Debate Is Over

Childbirth is painful for women

And ball-kickage is painful for men

But after it’s done only one

Waits teo years, then says “Do it again!”

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Extinction, Past and Future

I used to be a Dodo bird

But then I went extinct.

I came back as a Quagga

And then a Cape Verde Great Skink.

I’ve been a Passenger Pigeon

And even a Lesser Bilby.

I’ve yet to be a 5’11 male human

But soon, I fear, I will be…

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Something To Look Forward To

Until we meet my bed is made,

My shirts are pressed, my bills are paid,

My car is washed, as is my hair

Because you might be anywhere.

Until we meet I’ll laugh and smile.

I’ll be polite and dress in style.

I’ll tip well and I’ll laugh a lot

And hope that your eye will be caught.

Until we meet I’ll be a saint,

Speak properly and not say “ain’t,”

And when you’ve sworn off other men

Then I can be a dick again!

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