Tag Archives: Men

False-Rape Culture

The marriage rate is going down

And many tears are falling.

The good men left and left behind

Some eyes bloodshot from bawling.

Men no longer mentor

Any women that they pay

Because they fear the power

Of what said women might say

And smart men will no longer talk

To strangers in a skirt

‘Cause they’re one false “j’accuse” away

From sleeping in the dirt.

Cats think that this circumstance

Is surely heavensent:

They live with 30-something women

Whose exes pay the rent.

Meanwhile the men rebuild themselves

From fighters into monks

And leave the chasing women

To the inner-city punks.

The West now walks on eggshells.

There is no doubt about it:

The feminists have made their beds

And now they lie about it.

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This Is a Poem Defying Negative Social Outlooks Towards Men For Innocent Behaviors, Specifically “Mansplaining”

I’m often accused of “mansplaining”

When what I teach just isn’t landing.

But never once have I met a woman

Who I accused of womanunderstanding.

So why do we assume that men are spreaders

And not that chicks on buses seem to shrink?

I await answers with manticipation

‘Cause I’m curious to know what women think.

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Thanks, Arbitrary Statistics!

A minute with me

Is an hour in Heaven,

But no woman will know

‘Cause I’m five-foot-eleven.

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Size Matters

Bigger is better in terms of pianos,

4×4’s, salaries, and dicks.

But smaller is better in the eyes of go-getters

When it comes to the waist size of chicks.

——————————————————–

Bigger is better, the man would insist

When it comes to masculine stuff

Because those said men have never had things

That were, in our eyes, big enough.

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When You Can Watch Something Other Than Baseball And Golf Again

‘Twas the week before football

And all through the States

Everyone outside Boston

Came to terms with their fates.

So many Don’taes,

Tyrones, and Lamars

Checked if Wendy’s needed

Someone who could lift cars.

Meanwhile those lucky

To remain on their teams

Prayed the ACL gods

Would not ruin their dreams.

The fans were all cozy

Wrapped up on their couches

While the TV says who’ll be

The sleepers and slouches.

And a tenth of a billion

Mostly female folks

Didn’t see the appeal

Of tackling blokes,

Yet still two-hundred-million

Pulled on overpriced shirts

With the last name of someone

Whose whole body hurts.

They’ll sit back to watch

As the combat begins.

They’ll be happy as long

As their animal wins.

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I’m Not Advocating Kidnapping, But…

We once had damsels in distress

And knights to ride to their aid.

Although the knights and damsels are gone

The distress somehow has stayed.

As the all-knowing poet

I have a solution of course:

We need more women who love dragons

And fewer men who own a horse.

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Men

There are 300 urinals present.

Just the first and last are used at all.

If one of those two isn’t open

Non-sociopaths use a stall.

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