Tag Archives: Men

My Dating Algorithm (1-10)

To find a man’s value

Divide his income by 10,000

Then subtract two to compensate.

To find a woman’s value

Call her a ten

(If she has a penis, call her an eight).

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Bikinis

One thing I don’t understand:

Why men who stare are loathed.

If a woman is ninety-percent naked

Men just look at what is clothed!

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Wise Men Know How To Stall

For every man there comes a day

When he must expel waste

And, being in a hurry,

Seeks to urinate with haste.

Soon after, they discover

As their throat fill up with phlegm

That their quest will be a failure…

Someone’s peeing next to them.

They stand in awkward silence,

As the urinals don’t sing

For as much as they both need to

They cannot eject a thing

And thus they close their zippers

And proceed to wash their hands

And go on with screaming bladders

To fulfill their life’s demands.

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Truth Hurts

She said “You’re too accommodating

“And also get defensive a lot.”

I said “That’s fine, we’ll work it out

“And also, no I’m not.”

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Why Die For Your Country When You Can Respect Children?

Though you think of cops and firemen

Or a soldier or marine,

There are men in much more danger

Doing work that’s rarely seen.

I don’t mean high-rise window washers

Or test pilots, you fools!

I speak of male teachers

At elementary schools.

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What Degree of Bachelor?

I was sitting by myself

When, as if from out of thin air,

A nymph straight from my fantasies

Asked “Is anyone sitting there?”

I smiled as well as a man can smile

When faced with an 11/10

And said “It’s free.” She said “Lovely!”

Then gave it to her friend.

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It’s Not About What You Say

At The Women’s March

When a man marches with a sign

That says “I love women”

He’s praised as an ally

To the feminist cause.

At The Straight Pride Parade

When a man marches with a sign

That says “I love women”

He’s called a neo-nazi homophobe,

And that gives me pause.

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