So an OnlyFans subscription
Is $20 bucks a week?
And might be even more expensive
For a “creator” at her peak?
Forgive me if I shudder
Because that sounds like lots and lots;
In my day the gold standard was
A penny for your thots.
Tag Archives: Men
It Sounds Latin, So That’s A Bonus
If you purchased a domain name
And nobody impeded it
You could sell it for a fortune
To a company who needed it.
Just think of things like X.com
MySpace, Roflol, or MAGA;
If you owned any of those sites
You could earn a big old bagga
Cash. So I propose to you
The greatest oversight
That could make you a millionaire
Potentially overnight:
There is a thriving industry
For the friend of Harry and Tom…
I suggest someone should purchase
DickusEnlargicus.com
Filed under Poems
Viagra For Dummies
If you don’t read these directions
Enjoy your twelve hour erections.
Filed under Poems
My Response To Deodorant Salespeople
If God intended
Men to have scentless armpits
He’d have made us snakes.
Filed under Poems
When In Doubt, Honeydew Not
If you eat some fruit that’s mushy
It’ll put a fire in your tushy.
If you think that it will not…
I’m writing on the pot.
Filed under Poems
Like A Back Yard, But For Everyone
I want to open an amusement park
That’s a bunch of fire pits
And comfy private toilets
For comfy private shits
Where men can sit in silence
And stare into the void.
It’d be the happiest place on earth
‘Til some white chick gets annoyed.
Filed under Poems
When You Started A Poem On Valentine’s Day, But Couldn’t Find The Perfect Similes ‘Til Now
I love you
Like city officials love roundabouts
And bicycle lanes
And sidewalks with little gardens
That make them impossible to traverse.
I need you
Like white girls need artisan coffee
With little flowers made of milk
And 27 makeup brushes
To achieve that perfect “no makeup” look.
I want you
Not quite as much as I want trading cards
But pretty close,
Especially when you’re not all hormonal
And don’t talk too much.
Your boobs are nice too.
Filed under Poems
The Best Part Of Waking Up
Pooping is great!
Pooping is fun!
Just sit on the toulet
And ploop! You’re all done!
Or if you are male
And/or have a phone
Pooping can give you
An hour alone!
Filed under Poems
Formative Experiences
When the film’s PG-13
But there are boobies on the screen
You rule the world as but a teen…
‘Cause the script demanded it, know what I mean?
Filed under Poems
The Male Experience (Based On A True Story)
I had an appointment at noon today
So, at 9:00, I took a ten-minute shower,
Then I sat down down to play card games
For about a half an hour.
After I was finished
With my 40 minutes of dun
The universe said, “It’s 3:00 O’clock
“And also you should go buy a gun.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 