You know those tests they give you
That tell your dream career?
There’s been an innovation
In those tests, or so I hear.
They’ve found 80 percent or more
Of testers’ perfect jobs
Are members of unthinking
And mostly peaceful violent mobs.
I didn’t think about it much
When first I heard the news,
But when I took the test myself
I had to change my views.
I scored, not as a rioter,
But a guy who owns a store
That sells lightweight TVs and food
In downtown Baltimore.
I had a lunch hour at my old job,
But that just wasn’t enough.
I need some time in the middle of the day
To just relax and stuff.
I told my boss about my plight.
Now I take two hours instead
To eat my meal and check my mail
And generally clear my head.
Still, my malaise remained in place,
Even when I took
My two 15-minute breaks
Before and after my lunch nook.
Now my lunch is 16 hours
And I’m darn pleased to heck.
Self employment’s really something,
But I wish they’d send my check.
Sometime after the time of stress
When the world seems like a mess
An average person will appear
To speak of things the world will hear.
He or she will sound to some
Quite well informed; to others, dumb.
Thus are the words of Earth and Sky.
That’ll be $50. Thanks, buh-bye.
I’ve finished the sweeping,
The mopping, the shining,
For those who arrive
For our casual dining.
I’ve whipped up the chicken,
The fruits and the veggies,
Prepared to serve unto
The clientele of “Big Reggie’s.”
I’ve washed all the napkins,
Plates, forks, and knives
For those who, by eating,
Will lengthen their lives.
I’ve waited all day
Since the first whiff of dawn,
Yet no one will eat
At the box on my lawn.