Tag Archives: Jobs

I’m Not One Of The Sheep… I’m Just The Pasture

You know those tests they give you

That tell your dream career?

There’s been an innovation

In those tests, or so I hear.

They’ve found 80 percent or more

Of testers’ perfect jobs

Are members of unthinking

And mostly peaceful violent mobs.

I didn’t think about it much

When first I heard the news,

But when I took the test myself

I had to change my views.

I scored, not as a rioter,

But a guy who owns a store

That sells lightweight TVs and food

In downtown Baltimore.

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The True MVP!

When you’re young, people ask

“What do you want to be

“When you grow up,” and today

I found my answer (finally)!

I want to be the guy whose job’s

To be the obscure-stats fairy

And Google crap that nobody knows

And tell the guys doing commentary

So when the score is 12-8

In a game involving someone named “Lou”

Because of me you’ll know that hasn’t happened

Since 1962!

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Pre-Presidential Career Advice

Math has strength in numbers,

Computer science has Intel.

Musicians can pull the strings,

And drama can as well.

But the nerdy occupation

That wins while hardly trying

Are the mattress beta-testers,

‘Cause, oh man, they’re good at lying.

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