Tag Archives: Work

RIP Bob (1945-2014), Most Valuable Employee (2015-Present)

A lot of Toms and Dicks and Harrys

Think of death as something scary,

But I see little cause for fright

In the unknown of an endless night.

Say a chicken passed away.

Some would cry and weep and sway

But I would fry it in some lard

In lieu of writing a sympathy card.

So if a friend or neighbor dies

Would it not be equally wise

Not to equate God to a beast

But to sell the corpse to Fancy Feast?

And if you are the one to pass

Why not do it with some class?

You’re dead, but life need not end. How?

Well, some call centers are hiring now…

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A Friendly Poem For The Boss On Your Last Day

For all of the work

U’ve put into my life,

Can I ever thank you enough?

Kause of you I can say

Yeah, life’s terrible, but hey! Now I

Own a whole lot more stuff!

Ur name here <~~~~

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Night Shift (Every Walmart Ever)

Sleepwalking,

Night stalking…

Insomnia is killing me.

Dead of night,

I feel no fright.

Just a few more hours ’til I’m free.

With empty hearts

And bulging carts

They leave my shelves so very bare.

Their hands are deep

In all that’s cheap.

At these poor beasts I stare.

All these hours

Living in a haze

Just a few more days

On the night shift.

I waste my life

Repeating strife,

Putting boxes back on the shelves.

My peers and I

Just want to cry,

Go home and be all by ourselves.

I ain’t got paid,

But I’ve quit and stayed.

Oh! How that paycheck calls…

I say I’ll walk,

But it’s all talk.

I haven’t got the balls.

All these hours

Hoping its a phase.

Counting down the days

On the night shift.

Then in an instant

I hear the TV:

“Todays winning numbers are

“7, 6, 5, 4, 3.”

Thirty-eight million dollars

Are mine! All mine! Then…

My boss yells “you’re fired

“If you doze off again.”

All these hours

And finally an excuse…

No need for such abuse…

Time to take another snooze…

On the night shift.

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The Last Words Spoken To Me At My Customer Service Job Before My “Involuntary Retirement Was Expedited” On Account Of “Unbecoming Physical Demonstrations”

“You know those days

Where everything’s bad,

Everything hurts,

Everyone’s mad,

Nobody’s happy,

And nothing is true?

I don’t, but you’re nodding,

So it sucks to be you!”

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Logic, American Dream Style

Monday through Friday

My heart’s only dread

Is that midmorning song

That says “get out of bed.”

Yet come days of Satur

And as well days of Sun

My heart sings in the morning

‘Til the day is all done.

For when clocks of alarm

Cracks serenity’s hold

And says “put on your clothes

“And go do what you’re told”

My vigor and pep

Aren’t what they used to be

Like when I was a child

And still blissfully free.

When instead of alarms

To the sun I awaken

And instead of my job

I get pancakes and bacon

My bliss flows more freely

And I feel stronger.

From now on I’ll work weekends

And be miserable longer.

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Find What You Love and Get Paid For It

I used to be the leader

Of a bunch of nasty thugs

Who cut on people’s bodies

And sold a lot of drugs.

But now I’ve finally realized

That those things aren’t cool.

Now I’ll use my skills to prosper

At Harvard Medical School.

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Symbolism

All good things have symbols,

Logos, and/or icons.

The golden M is Micky D’s.

The word”Nikon” is Nikon’s.

Now this is great for products

And for things you buy and sell,

But have you once considered

Other ways this works well?

Take a dollar symbol,

Which stands for money that we make.

Have you ever noticed

That it’s a pole-dancing snake?

Or how about the three curved lines

That indicate Wi-Fi.

They’re nothing but a magic drill

Descending from the sky.

What’s a symbol for your workplace?

A necktie does the trick

Because it’s both a hangman’s noose

And an arrow towards someone’s dick.

If I were a symbol

I’d be this guy: & Yup.

(I originally wanted to be an 8

But some artist messed up).

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