Christmas day
Is almost past.
The next Christmas song
Could be the last.
Santa’s unpacked
His magic sleigh,
Yet the in-laws
Still won’t go away…
Tag Archives: Family
Life On A Farm
My brother-in-law
Thinks poultry are sultry.
My other bro’s honey’s a bee.
I’m the traditional guy in the family:
Nothing but cousins for me!
Filed under Poems
A Weekend Outing
We run through the park
Away from the light.
It’s awfully dark
To be flying a kite,
But vampires have to
Find creative means
To be a good parent
To their vampire teens.
Filed under Poems
Single Parents
Creatures from the valley
And monsters of the sky
Meet once a year to celebrate
Somewhere around Shanghai.
They talk about their differences
And play some volleyball
And dance around a shooting star
And drink until last call.
Then they find a human folk
And roast them o’er the flame,
Because they’re monsters after all;
To not do so would be lame.
And having eaten, sinned, and all
They fly and dig back home.
Dad said that’s where mama went.
He read it in a tome.
Filed under Poems
The Family That Fights Together
My Grandpa was a pilot,
My Grandma was a nurse,
But my dad made the big money.
He was the guy who drove the hearse.
Filed under Poems
The Big’s Mama
Strong as an ant
And fat as a pig,
I’m always in awe
Of Hubert the Big.
He works as a bouncer
And lives at the gym,
His hair oft askew
Like he got a bad trim.
Hugh pays for luxuries
On his Wednesday nights
In a DIY octagon
Hosting amateur fights.
I thought he was gruff,
Vulgar, manly, and dumb
‘Til he invited me over
And I met his Mum…
Filed under Poems
Stay-at-home Offspring
Don’t think that I’m a layabout,
A lazy waste of space.
Just see me as a checker
Who never leaves his space,
As a successful “Sorry” token
Who finally made it home,
Or a monopoly piece in jail
Because it costs too much to roam.
I that this 38-year-old
Doesn’t want to leave.
I just think I’m most valuable
At home, deterring thieves.
And while I don’t have money
It’s unfair to scoff
‘Cause any day my Etsy store
Is going to take off!
Filed under Poems
The Fisherman’s Dilemna
They say I’m a workaholic
‘Cause I spend twelve hours a day
Away from Mabbs (my wife) and kids.
It’s the commercial fishing way.
Truth is, work gives me joy
That I just don’t get from Mabbs.
At work I catch the lobsters,
But with her I catch the crabs.
Filed under Poems
Birthday Poem (for my Sister)
Dear sister, on this special day,
That occurs in August instead of May,
You’re twenty-one! Yay oh yay!
And so I mean to simply say
Happy Birthday Katy!
You make you joyful when I’m sick,
And our shared gutter mindedness is quite slick.
I mean that in a good way, not like “ick.”
You get what I mean by that, ’cause your mind is quick.
Happy Birthday Katy!
Today you can have a gun or drink alcohol.
You want to do one of those, the other not at all.
This being on a blog, people will likely not comprehend the correct option, ’cause they’re not as smart as you. Not at all!
(And if my readers are mad at my rudeness or my long lines, I’ll take the fall).
Happy Birthday Katy!
And thus your birthday is immortalized by a travesty,
As was your full name by the hurricane that started with “Katri…”
This poem’s going downhill if you see what I see,
So I’ll sign off now. Thank you Sus-comma-Je!
Happy Birthday Katy!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 