Tag Archives: Family

I Can Safely Write This Because She Doesn’t Read My Blog And Is Imaginary

Some sayings sound satisfying

But don’t apply to real life,

Like “what comes up must come down”

Doesn’t work for the weight of my wife…

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Weirdness Is Genetic

This one takes sone explanation.

‘Twas late and I lacked imagination

So I asked “what to write? The words just won’t come!

My parents said “Karma or Fritos.”

Now you know where I get it from.

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Mirror Mirror, Confidant

Mirror mirror

On the wall,

Inanimate object

Which is humanly tall,

Always honest,

Occasionally kind.

Some make it their lives.

Some pay it no mind.

Mirror mirror

(The rearview one),

You’re much more useful

Than my son.

You save my life

Most every day 

Which is more than for

That little jerk I can say…

Mirror mirror

Speckled with spit

Above the sink

Next to where I shit.

You are a helpful

Reflective fellow

And thanks to you

My teeth are lighter yellow.

Mirror mirror

That I clutch,

I don’t think my Dad

Likes me very much.

It started when

I pushed him out of the boat

When we were touring the castle

With the shark infested moat.

Mirror mirror

Above the bed,

You don’t judge me

For missing half my head.

For now I sleep

But tomorrow’ll be fun.

I’m going make-up skydiving

With my son.

Mirror mirror,

Reflective lake

My fall you are

Destined to break.

The chute did nothing

When I pulled the pin.

Hey, what’s that gray

Triangular fin?

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Youngest Child Genes

My Brother is wealthy,

My Sister is wise,

My Dad’s got great hair

And my Mom has great eyes.

You should see my Aunt’s heart

Or my Grandfather’s spine,

But if you like cuticles

No one can beat mine.

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How Many Of Us?

Christmas day

Is almost past.

The next Christmas song

Could be the last.

Santa’s unpacked

His magic sleigh,

Yet the in-laws

Still won’t go away…

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Life On A Farm

My brother-in-law

Thinks poultry are sultry.

My other bro’s honey’s a bee.

I’m the traditional guy in the family:

Nothing but cousins for me!

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A Weekend Outing

We run through the park

Away from the light.

It’s awfully dark

To be flying a kite,

But vampires have to

Find creative means

To be a good parent

To their vampire teens.

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Single Parents

Creatures from the valley
And monsters of the sky
Meet once a year to celebrate
Somewhere around Shanghai.

They talk about their differences
And play some volleyball
And dance around a shooting star
And drink until last call.

Then they find a human folk
And roast them o’er the flame,
Because they’re monsters after all;
To not do so would be lame.

And having eaten, sinned, and all
They fly and dig back home.
Dad said that’s where mama went.
He read it in a tome.

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The Family That Fights Together

My Grandpa was a pilot,
My Grandma was a nurse,
But my dad made the big money.
He was the guy who drove the hearse.

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The Big’s Mama

Strong as an ant
And fat as a pig,
I’m always in awe
Of Hubert the Big.

He works as a bouncer
And lives at the gym,
His hair oft askew
Like he got a bad trim.

Hugh pays for luxuries
On his Wednesday nights
In a DIY octagon
Hosting amateur fights.

I thought he was gruff,
Vulgar, manly, and dumb
‘Til he invited me over
And I met his Mum…

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