I think people would be happier
If once a day, for free,
They could take an eighteen-wheeler
Packed with TNT
And have a robot drive it
Into their neighbor’s chrysanthemum
But that’s very illegal
‘Cause the government is dumb.
Tag Archives: Fun
Pillow Talk
She told me I was childish,
Young and immature
With some form of exuberance
For which there is no cure.
I took a breath and looked at her
And offered my retort:
“Let’s have this conversation
“Somewhere other than my fort.”
Filed under Poems
Monopoly
You all begin by passing “go,”
But who will win we don’t yet know.
You buy land with childish glee
Wherever two dice should decree.
This play continues for a while
And all the players wear a smile
Until the property is bought.
Then the game changes a lot.
Instead of paying endless rent
It pays to be of criminal bent
And spend a couple turns in jail
Before you pay a $50 bail.
But at this point the odds are high
That you know who is the guy
Who’ll win the game when all is done.
At this point it’s no longer fun.
But do you stop when joy is gone?
No! No! No! You carry on!
When bankrupt are the car and shoe,
The thimble’s dead and so are you
So ends the game, and that is when
The winner says “Let’s play again!”
Then you and the losers, at your behest
Punch the winner in his community chest.
Through the pain he says “Tsk, tsk.
“Then how about a game of Risk?”
Filed under Poems
Why Cops Love Summer
The twinkling stream
In sea-foam green
Was strolling o’er the rocks
And on the sand
A merry band
Were clothed in naught but socks.
They danced about,
Let it all hang out,
Just happy to be young,
Especially he,
Who’s six-foot-three
And very amply-hung.
Their harmless fun
Had hurt no one
But the cops lacked any pity:
“This here stream,
“Rural as it may seem,
“Is legally still the city.”
The cops gave out
With an air of clout
Citations to the nudists.
They seemed unstressed
As they got dressed
As if they all were buddhists.
Now clothed, the band
Heeded police demand.
It’s true! I checked on Snopes.
Unclothed, unarmed
They went home unharmed,
So black folks: there’s still hope!
Filed under Poems
A Recipe For Disaster
A teaspoon of a crazy thought,
Two cups of your favorite beer,
A pinch of “well, it couldn’t hurt”
Absolutely zero fear.
Filed under Poems
A Day At The Beach
A dog and his man
Hopped into a van
And drove down to the ocean.
The dog jumped in the surf
And rolled in the turf
While the man put on suntan lotion.
The man made sand castles,
The dog ate some tassles.
They both watched a volleyball game.
The dog chased rubber balls
And peed on brick walls,
And the man covertly did the same.
The man and his doggy
Wet, dirty, and soggy,
Hopped back in their automobile.
And they drove back home,
Covered in sand and loam,
With the dog in control of the wheel.
Filed under Poems
A Weekend Outing
We run through the park
Away from the light.
It’s awfully dark
To be flying a kite,
But vampires have to
Find creative means
To be a good parent
To their vampire teens.
Filed under Poems
The Importance of Play
It’s good to be a kid
Like all of us once did,
And I think we really ought to do it more,
‘Cause maturity’s alright,
And the world may be a fright,
But without some fun it’s nothing but a bore.
So kick and throw a ball or dirt
And play until your muscles hurt
And smile and laugh until your face quits its obedience.
You’ve got all the time you need,
To work and sleep and breed,
So try to play today, with great expedience.
Roller Coaster
You climb without hands
For hundreds of feet,
With your body strapped into
A hard plastic seat.
Then your car hits the peak
And you look down the slope,
The ground and a crowd
And the loss of all hope.
And with your heart beating
Like domestic abuse
You rush down the slope,
Through the drops and corkscrews.
Forty five seconds later
The ride is all done,
And you smile like a psycho
Wondering “Why was that fun?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 