I want to understand people.
I want them to make sense,
But I don’t like psychology.
I took women’s studies classes.
I took men’s studies too,
But those ones they called “history.”
Tag Archives: History
Alternate History
It’s the little things in history
That changed the world we know,
Like how we’d all be drinking taxed tea
If it weren’t for that Washington schmo.
What if Egypt hadn’t come along
And stolen Moses’s guys,
Or if medieval barbarians
Had toilet paper (just two plies).
Would the dark ages have ended
If the Visigoths used their head
And gained a tactical advantage
By bein invisi-goths instead?
And what if all this happened
And then Superman got drunk
And flew around the world so fast
That suddenly history stunk?
How would history be different
If this poet were never born?
You’d be stuck with Robert Frost,
Or else be watching porn.
Thus endeth my ideas,
Written down via Roman letters.
But think of how, if things had changed,
This poem would be betters.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
What’s for Breakfast?
Today is the Ides of March,
When Caeser was made invalid.
We celebrate with leftover pie,
Orange Julius, and Caeser salad.
Filed under Poems
A Brief History of Humans
In the beginning
The world was flat,
The king was king,
And that was that.
Then peasants saw
They’d gotten screwed.
They grabbed torches and pitchforks
And got really rude.
Now the king wasn’t king
And the Earth was a sphere
And the peasants rejoiced
And drank all the beer.
A king was elected
Who told everyone
“The beer will be back
When my four years are done.”
But the beer wasn’t back
After the Earth’s fourth turn,
So the pitchforks were sharpened
And the torches did burn.
And now the beer’s back,
Which just goes to show
That society’s perfect.
And, well, now you know.
Filed under Poems
One More (Just for the Helen of It)
There once was a hot chick from Troy
Who caught the eye of a boy.
They overreacted
And a war was enacted
And thousands of ships got destroyed.
Filed under Poems
The Ides of January (Humberto’s Song)
Two months before Julius Caesar fell
Another death occurred.
The victim was Humberto Caesar,
The emperor’s pet bird.
Well Humberto was as loyal as
A domesticated bird could be,
But power comes along with a price:
Humberto had enemies.
Most prominent was Clint,
Brutus’s pet cat.
‘Twas a miserable furball of betrayal,
But every cat’s like that.
Well I don’t need to tell you
How Humberto was killed by Clint,
But being the Ides of January
Julius should have gotten the hint.
The Daily Travesty 