Murderous harlots,
Criminal trollops,
And other such vagrants
Gathereth here.
They bring you candles
And tall paper hats
To cherish your living
Another whole year.
They blow on noisemakers
And sing stupid songs,
Cut open your cake
With a cold-steel blade.
A few sacrifice
A goat in your honor.
Throughout it all
Your face remains staid.
As your friends dance
In your post-birthday haze
You lighten their purses
And head out the door.
You retire wealthy,
And don’t even mind
That your D&D group
Doesn’t like you no more.
