I have a lousy microwave.
It’s very very slow.
It take about two minutes
To melt a ball of snow.
If you want to boil water
A half an hour should do
And if you ever cook some soup
Go watch a film or two.
Your vegetables will not be steamed.
Your corn will not be popped.
The minute that you start it
It has already stopped.
It’s starting to annoy me
And get under my skin
And now I’ll either throw it out
Or try to plug it in.
Filed under Poems
I brought a dozen roses,
A diamond, and a kitten
To serenade by starlight
The lass with whom I’m smitten.
I sang “Every Breath You Take”
To my very special girl.
Then she locked me in her laser sights
And sang me “Goodbye Earl.”
Filed under Poems
There once was a man named Jared Russ
Who was fond of munching canned asparagus.
He ate it all the time
But for lack of a rhyme
Often said things were Ceteris Parabus.
Filed under Poems
I sit here at the bus stop
Reading Fifty Shades of Grey
(Which I got at the library
‘Cause for that crap I won’t pay)
And as I skim from the intro
Until the final line
I see one quite clear shade
But where’s the other forty-nine?
Filed under Poems
Many kids found Waldo
When themselves were kids.
They found Waldo in a crowd
‘Cause that’s just what they did.
Some grown-ups still have Waldo
Waiting on their shelf,
But how many people thought
To help poor Waldo find himself?
Filed under Poems
Lemon flavored water,
Lemon cheesecake and desserts,
Lemon flavored pepper
Are a few examples of how, with lemons, society flirts.
The only lemon item
That people don’t enjoy
Are actual plain ol’ lemons.
(Also maybe lemon bok choy).
Filed under Poems
Have you ever seen a sunrise
And thought “that’s very yellow?”
Have you ever met a stranger
And known you do not know the fellow?
Have you ever started a poem
Without knowing how it will end?
If so I have to ask you
To stop trying to steal my identity.
Filed under Poems
