Tag Archives: Dumb

Misleading Titles (Also Pure Fiction Except Lines 4, 7, and 8)

I sit here at the bus stop

Reading Fifty Shades of Grey

(Which I got at the library

‘Cause for that crap I won’t pay)

And as I skim from the intro

Until the final line

I see one quite clear shade

But where’s the other forty-nine?

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Waldo and the Disturbing Lack of Spiritual Guidance for Fictional Persons

Many kids found Waldo

When themselves were kids.

They found Waldo in a crowd

‘Cause that’s just what they did.

Some grown-ups still have Waldo

Waiting on their shelf,

But how many people thought

To help poor Waldo find himself?

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What We Learned: Don’t End A Line With “Desserts”

Lemon flavored water,

Lemon cheesecake and desserts,

Lemon flavored pepper

Are a few examples of how, with lemons, society flirts.

The only lemon item

That people don’t enjoy

Are actual plain ol’ lemons.

(Also maybe lemon bok choy).

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We Are The Sum Of Our Experiences

Have you ever seen a sunrise

And thought “that’s very yellow?”

Have you ever met a stranger

And known you do not know the fellow?

Have you ever started a poem

Without knowing how it will end?

If so I have to ask you

To stop trying to steal my identity.

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Or You Mite Be Letting Siri Type Four Ewe

If you prey at a alter

And like you’re time their,

You watch the news and think

That how the world works isnt fare,

Youve misplaced yor resume

But will happily give you the jist

Than you might bee looking four jobs

Via a web sight like Craigslist.

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How Real Men Express Love

When we met I asked “Can I buy you a drink?”

When we left I asked “Your place or mine?”

When the mood was right I leaned in close

And asked “you sure this is fine?”

And so the night proceeded,

As again consent was had

For removing one sock, then the other, then a shirt,

Just to make sure no one felt bad.

And as I removed my underthings

(Consensually, and with heart)

I realized I hadn’t checked about my shoes

And suggested we restart.

She said she was ok with it

And told me “just whip it out!”

So I grabbed my legal contract

And she began to pout.

At this point I could see

She wasn’t happy, so we parted.

I was just happy to be safe.

She was broken hearted.

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On The Importance Of Proper Labeling

I hear the sound of fallen snow

Like the moment before applause,

The echo of previous silence,

A silent question’s pause.

My ears softly ring

From what’s no longer there.

And I silently sigh inside myself

And lie back in my chair.

Where once I was an emperor,

A man respected, feared,

For whom the wicked trembled

And for whom the righteous cheered,

Now I sit, a man alone,

Completed in rebirth.

In the silence now I tell myself

“I thought the other button nuked the Earth!”

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