Tag Archives: Mistakes

Guest Poem From An Anonymous World Leader

There was a, um, a a a flower?

And it has, you know, plants,

And some are yellow and some are blue

But that doesn’t change that they’re green

On their, um, stalks or stems or something.

And when I smell them

Wait, they said don’t say smelling…

Flowers are green and and and thank you good morning!

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IT 2021

There once was a bug in my code

And my whole computer it slowed,

But I’ve learned from the biz

To just sell it as is

Then charge more for a fast-working mode.

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So That Happened…

Yesterday, the internet

Decided to be rude

And with regards to a poem I wrote

The scheduling was eschewed.

The poem in question, “A Halfass Ballad

Was supposed to be published today

But instead it published an hour before

I wrote it yesterday.

Apparently a time machine

Malfunctioned for a bit

And made the WordPress platform

Look like a load of… anyway

The point of this poem

Is I put effort and thought

Into “yesterday’s” poem

So today effort give I’ll not.

Seriously though… go read “A Halfass Ballad.” It may be the last good poem I publish for some time, as longtime readers are aware. And if you’re still reading this italicized footnote, obviously you have plenty of time on your hands so don’t say “But I just read today’s poem, so I can’t go back and read another one.” Because you can. Also, if you already read “A Halfass Ballad,” read it again because it’s more interesting than this. Seriously, why are you even still here? Love ya!

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Change Who’s Steering, Or Just Bail Out?

Sometimes it seems

Like society is a sled

Screaming down a snowy hill

To the place from which we fled,

And everyone who rides the sled

Are begging it to slow,

Save those who see the ski jump

And exclaim, “How high we’ll go!”

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But No! The Advertisers HAD To Lie To You…

I think the greatest opportunity

Anyone ever missed

Was “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”

Not making butter, ’cause what a twist!

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We Should Have Said “Stay…”

In the beginning the wolves roamed the wild

Just eating the grazers and sometimes a child.

Then some stupid human said “Fluffy! Yoohoo!”

And he started to breed them for me and for you.

The first were domestic and strong, fast and loyal,

A dog for the brave, whether peasant or royal.

They had names like “Fido,” “Apache,” and “Spike,”

And they pooped where they wanted and liked what they like.

But soon came some others, and not for the better:

They came with free handbags and even a sweater.

These dogs were called “Floofums,” “McTwinkle,” and “Cheese,”

And maybe they’ll sit if you nicely ask “Please?”

Soon we’ll have puppies the size of our phones

Who only chew vegan, soy, gluten-free bones,

And when we accept such weak canines as pets

We’ll know just how low our society gets.

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Eau Know! Knot Yew Two!

There once was a fellow from Prague

Who went for a leisurely jague.

He ran for a while

With a big happy smhile

But, alas, he fell into a bague.

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The News Be Like…

It is a fact from an incited source

That 30 percent of collisions

Are the result of someone driving drunk;

In other words, poor decisions.

That means that 70 percent

Of sober drivers crash.

Driving without drinking

Is, according to statistic, rash.

That fact, if analyzed in depth

Means that driving sober will

Increase your chances by 133%

That, by driving, you will kill.

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New To Alaska?

The air was full of mosquitoes

And someone gave me a spray:

“It’s called mosquito repellant

“And it keeps the bugs away.”

I put it on my body

And away went all my cares.

Now I’m going to try the spray

For repelling the bears!

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Transcript of the new Daily Travesty Audiobook

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……………………Oh, you mean out loud?

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