Tag Archives: Mistakes

So Basically Tide Pods, Right?

If you’ve always dreamed of fame

But the dream never came to fruition

I have a helpful tidbit

From yours truly’s intuition:

Drink a bunch of chemicals

Then pretend you have the flu

And with any luck some doctor

Will name a condition after you!

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And With That Hair I’m Destined For National Leadership

If I were a Pokemon

I’d want to be Crabominable

Because no one would enslave me

And fight in a manner intolerable.

Yes, ugliness has benefits

When avoiding death is your aim.

And for you ’90s kids who say its fake:

You should play a more recent game.

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Without My Mom You’d Still Be Pretending To Like Robert Frost

Today we thank our mothers,

The reason we’re alive,

The commuter jets of fetuses

That ensured to life we’d arrive.

And after our delivery

Their labors didn’t stop;

Our every cry reminded them

Of a long-ago hop-on-Pop.

They spent many sleepless hours

Changing diapers, wiping tears,

Just for us to becomes teenagers

All full of angst and sneers.

But two moms we thank today

Whose children are divine.

One is the virgin Mary

And the other mom is mine.

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Wherefore Doth The Pasta Descend?

With a great clatter

Falleth my platter

And on a great customer

Its contents do splatter.

And garments once gossamer,

Linen, and lace

Was not made awesomer

But red like my face.

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Or Just Misspell A Biblical Name

I see little boys and girls

With very unique names

Like Cadence, Weston, Apple, Peityn,

Lembas, Crêpe, and Flames.

Now if your name is “Flames” you’re fine,

But “Crookshanks…” not so much.

So here are some modern names

I think are better much:

Verity, Sanity, Clamperl, Spore,

Visigoth, Boromir, Wikstrom, Implore,

Magnitude, Honeydunce, Kraftool, Parade.

Name your kid one of these and they’ll have it made!

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Live and Learn

Your face in my vision

With such precision,

A sight I’ll never forget;

How your eyes met mine

At 12:09…

The feeling’s not left me yet.

I realized two truths

That night in Duluth

As to your house we started walking:

The telescope seller was good,

I fall when hit by a block of wood,

And legally my actions could be called “stalking.”

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And Who’s This Floyd Guy Anyway?

We could talk about the ego,

Super-ego, or the id

But I don’t think that does justice

To the amazing things Freud did.

Anyone can acknowledge

That people’s brains are weird,

Have a couch to lie on,

Or grow a snazzy beard,

But how many psychiatrists

Can also play guitar

Like Dr. Sigmund “Pink” Freud did?

That guy was quite a star!

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