Tag Archives: Mistakes

A Little-Known Side Benefit Of Stairs

Somewhere between the lobby

And my destination floor

The elevator chose

Not to move up anymore.

Perhaps the lift malfunctioned

When the console met my fists

But hey, no more classic rock

With jazzy little twists!

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51% And Growing

What if, with perfect certainty, you knew how to be good. You

Would have no ills or evils. With this great power would you

Live your life accordingly, an angel we’d admire,

Or is flawless, certain perfection a goal to which you’d not aspire?

Now if perfection weren’t certain and ’twas painful to act well

Would you trade your Earthly pleasure for 50/50 odds of Hell?

Would you suffer every moment if it might bring future joy

Or would you say “be happy now” and make pleasure your toy?

The point that I am making is in our uncertain years

Where our good or evil instincts are affected by our fears

That we might be a villain who believes that we are just

Or perhaps a clumsy angel whose good intent is all a bust.

If you’d be truly evil or would be extremely good

Then here’s a course of action that to take I think you should:

To seek a path of certainty. Through thinking you will find

More often the results you seek are those which you will find

And if another does you wrong seek not to cast your blame

But know that if you thought like him you’d probably do the same.

Hero, villain, victim are alike a future you

So why not think and weight the coin that judges all we do?

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The Flavor Of “Winning”

For a moment I sat there

With blood on my hands

Smearing life on my white-bread toast

In a room all alone

With inanimate friends

In a halfway house built for a ghost.

My Ferrari was mired

In a 90-hour week

When I needed just 12 to survive

But I’d long since stopped living

For the privilege of being

Among the elite few who can thrive.

The child in the basement

Was calling for daddy

‘Til its fat little throat had gone raw

And yet I was too busy

Helping others to join me

To notice my life had a flaw.

But if I’d payed attention,

Tasted a tomato

Or felt a moth land in my hair,

Just walked outside barefoot

Or put salt in my coffee

I’d realize somehow I still care.

I care about family.

I care about freedom.

I don’t need this bottle and pill.

And maybe that baby

Will say “taste the tomato”

And if I haven’t yet died then I will.

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Adventures In Milk Purchasing

I am a human

Who lives in a place

Where food can be purchased to eat.

Some take that for granted,

Some think it’s a nuisance,

And I think it’s pretty darn neat.

But sometimes I wonder

About fellow shoppers

Who bought before I came along.

I used to think fondly

Of my fellow humans*

But now I have proof I was wrong.

*This is a lie, but the photo is real

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This One’s For All The First Graders (And Middle Schoolers)

There are things I’ll never knew

‘Cause I’ll will not have eating glue

But since I eated it I confess

This poem’s grammars has not make sense.

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So Basically Tide Pods, Right?

If you’ve always dreamed of fame

But the dream never came to fruition

I have a helpful tidbit

From yours truly’s intuition:

Drink a bunch of chemicals

Then pretend you have the flu

And with any luck some doctor

Will name a condition after you!

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And With That Hair I’m Destined For National Leadership

If I were a Pokemon

I’d want to be Crabominable

Because no one would enslave me

And fight in a manner intolerable.

Yes, ugliness has benefits

When avoiding death is your aim.

And for you ’90s kids who say its fake:

You should play a more recent game.

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