Tag Archives: Music

October 25, 2014 · 11:45 am

The Observers

There once were some NSA agents
Who wanted to start a band.
They dreamed everyone would watch them
Across their secure homeland.

One of the guys played the data bass,
And another tapped all the drums.
One filled out forms in the corner
And the boss just twiddled his thumbs.

And so formed the band, “The Observers.”
They lacked talent, but had admins galore.
They became a huge thing overnight,
Perfect for the news to ignore.

They sang of bureaucracy’s beauties
And of what you did in 2005.
They had mosh pits called “internet forums”
Wherever they concerted live.

The Observers still play on the weekends;
It’s a sensible thing to do
To get them pumped up for another week
Of the best show in town (which is you).

In unrelated news, I’m enjoying my stay on the “do not fly” list.

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August 24, 2014 · 1:39 pm

When the Music Left the Elevator

The melody took to the sky

Carrying passengers as it soared.

It sang with all its passionate grace,

Yet the busy humans snored.

 

Later, the song descended.

Its calming chord still blares

Throughout the box for people

Uninclined to take the stairs.

 

The saxophones and drum set

Make monotony so sweetly

But the elevator’s patrons

Tune out its song completely.

 

So the melody went sideways

To where the unsmelled flowers go

And lived its quiet style of life

Under the uncounted stars aglow.

 

And those that rode that metal box

Just heard the elevator’s hissing

And they stared at the lights, unspeaking,

Unaware what they were missing.

 

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July 16, 2014 · 8:33 am

99 Bottles Later

I used to own a bar
Until the choir came to town.
They’d had an iffy concert
And they had sorrows to drown.

So they said, “How ’bout a beer?”
And from the wall I took one down.
I gave it to a tenor
Who then passed it aroun’.

And so this was repeated
For nearly a hundred bottles
With the choir singing all throughout,
Their dance reduced to tottles.

And then they left. My walls were bare.
My alcohol was gone.
But the thing I’ll never ever forget
Was that god-forsaken song.

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June 10, 2014 · 6:37 am

Arr, ye Sol Ti Do!

Ray’s cow chewed her cud
Amidst the mud,
While Ray looked on with wonder.
While I, Captain Jack
Snuck round the back.
Their farm I sought to plunder.

Alas Ray raised
A herd of deer
To guard his home from a pirate.
That’s the ballad
of Doe, Ray, and Me
And it makes me feel irate!

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June 6, 2014 · 7:36 am

Summer, 4 AM

Such beauty there is in silence,
And in the sounds of Earth.
The songs of birds and crickets
Are of inestimable worth.

Yet beauty can be terrible,
And becomes so without warning
Like when you’re late night homework
And the birds sing that it’s morning.

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March 11, 2014 · 9:19 am

Old-Time Religion

There is something inherently scary
About playing an organ late at night.
Might be Hollywood cliche,
But it still causes some fright.

There’s nothing scary at all
About a piano at midday.
It’s just one of those things
You don’t care about either way.

An accordion is happy
Anytime at all.
That’s why I go to an accordion church
That just happens to be at the mall.

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October 11, 2013 · 10:59 am

Baby Rock

A fumpquadrillion years ago

There was a baby rock.

He was tiny, like a pebble,

And musical, like Bach.

The baby stone would sing and moan

Some songs, both longs and shorts.

His first record went multi-platinum,

Not bad for a teenage quartz.

As he aged, his music differed,

In its lyrics, its style, its tone.

This June you might just see him on

The cover of Rolling Stone.

Baby Rock was an instant success.

He’s got some considerable clout,

And he just wanted me to remind you

To stay tough and to baby rock out.

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August 13, 2012 · 10:16 am

Country Music

Well I live down in Texas ’cause I just can’t take

That California heat.

I go honky tonkin’ on Saturday night

With my two left feet.

My dog died last Tuesday, but I don’t mind,

I’ve got used to it.

And when it comes to tanning evenly, I had a chance

And I totally blew it!

 

I don’t say the F-bomb, I only say “Truck.”

I fish on the weekends and hunt for duck.

I like to ride horses, and stables I muck,

And if you don’t like women, then country songs suck.

 

Well this is the part in the song where I

Talk about a girl.

She’s generally half-dressed and wearin’ jewelry

Made out of mother-o’-pearl.

This is a bit of topic, but isn’t the mother of pearl

Just an oyster?

And while I sing about Jesus, I don’t sing about nuns

Or about their cloister.

 

I don’t say the F-bomb, I only say “Truck.”

I fish on the weekends and hunt for duck.

I like to ride horses, and stables I muck,

And if you don’t like women, then country songs suck.

 

Someone died of cancer,

Someone cheated on their man.

Someone rode on a choo-choo train

And ate food from a can.

I think I’m running out of

Half-decent cliches,

So Let’s sing the chorus one more time

Then we’ll go our separate ways!

 

I don’t say the F-bomb, I only say “Truck.”

I fish on the weekends and hunt for duck.

I like to ride horses, and stables I muck,

And if you don’t like women, then country songs suck.

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