Tag Archives: Old People

Nursing Home Rhymes

I’ve got dandruff on my shins…

That’s not where it goes!

Know I need some Head and Shoulders

For between my knees and toes.

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To get 8 hours of sleep at night

I do whatever it takes,

By which I mean taking 10-minute naps

Between my bathroom breaks.

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Twinkle twinkle little star

Way above my little car,

Shining in my optic nerve

Making me violently swerve.

Twinkle twinkle little star

On the badge of officer Barr.

I sang him “YMCA.”

Why’d he take my license away?

Twinkle twinkle little star…

Crap, I left my teeth in the car!

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My Coming Out As Trans-Elderly

Thirty-seven dollars in nickels

Rolled into neat little stacks:

I’ll use them to buy some dill pickles

To eat for my mid-morning snacks.

I’ve got a compulsion to do this,

Though no logic yet as to why.

Perhaps I just want the grocers

To think of me as “that guy.”

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