I asked what she got
On the SAT.
She said “mayonnaise.”
I said “so did me!”
Tag Archives: Perfect
The Missing Element
I enjoy the first course,
And the second course too.
They were a fine salad
And also fine stew.
But by the third course
I thought “what a waste”
To have a meal in which
I could find no distaste.
So I pulled out my hair
To put in my entree,
And complained about it
When the waiter came my way.
All in all, Chez Fancié
Stood up to its clout.
I hope next time they serve
Something to bitch about.
Good Problems
One walks along the city streets,
Just trying to get some air,
Yet one can’t help but notice
All the girls who stop and stare.
One experiences this often.
If somewhere one does go
One’s glamor, wit, and glowing health
Make one a living show.
One wishes one could take a break
From being the perfect man,
So I guess I’m pretty lucky
That I’m not one, and I can.
Filed under Poems
Me Neither
Have you ever met a person
Who’s perfect in every way,
Who understands your troubles
And makes them go away,
Whose smile dries your tears
And whose laughter steals your heart
And, even though you’re all grown up,
Lets you ride in the shopping cart,
Is friendly as a puppy,
And wiser than a book,
A phenomenal bass player
And an established gourmet cook,
And’s not the slightest bit pretentious
But humble and adoring,
Has beauty and personality
And never gets boring?
Filed under Poems
My One Flaw
It is not my intention
To be this great.
Good luck and good looks
Are simply my fate.
I did not choose
To have Two-hundred IQ,
To be flawless in bed,
To have eyes so blue.
It’s not my fault
I’ve never made a fumble,
So can’t you forgive me
That I’m just not that humble?
Perfect
Once again I write to you,
As this poet is prone to do,
To try to change the point of view
That nobody is perfect.
So close your eyes and breathe in.
Then open them so you can read again.
Here’s my theory. There’s just one sin:
The judgement of imperfect.
“You fail, she’s ugly, he’s vulgar, I’m bad.”
According to what? Why make yourself sad?
Life is happening as it always had.
Life is always perfect.
“Why is there evil? Pleasure and pain?”
“Why is there sadness, which falls with the rain?”
Why think these thoughts? What do you have to gain?
Instead, think “This is Perfect.”
Now maybe I’m wrong, and life’s simply crappy.
Maybe you enjoy being unhappy!
You think (with good reason) this poem is sappy.
I accept those reactions as perfect.
But I hope you’ll at least give this viewpoint a try.
This change in your thinking brings blue to the sky.
You will watch your blessings multiply.
Smile! Why not?
You’re perfect.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Newscaster’s Perfect Day
Alas and alack, I turn my back
And nothing moves to strike me.
The world is too sunny, the people too funny,
And everyone happens to like me.
No stress have I found, no troubles abound,
And it makes it quite hard to be moody.
I’m alway too happy, my life isn’t crappy,
And women have far-too-nice booties.
It’s unfortunate, aye, that blue is the sky
When I make my job writing the news.
So until something’s bad, I’m off to be sad
And to sing out the life’s perfect blues.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 