Tag Archives: Plot Twist

Who Sang It Better?

I saw an advertisement

While mountain-climbing with my baby.

She asked, “Should we remove it?”

And I replied with, “Maybe.”

So up we climbed, so happy

And the snow made us reflective,

Until we turned around and looked

With our lenses-corrective

At what we later learned

Was a mass of falling soil

Which depressed me, for I knew my life

Was little more than toil.

In hindsight, I took my love

And I took ad down,

Climbed a mountain

And turned around,

I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill

‘Til a landslide brought me down.

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Southern Love

Somewhere there’s a purple bear

Who cries itself to sleep.

The cubs call him “The purple one

“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”

I want to find that purple bear

Upon one lonely night

And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt

And say, “It’ll be alright.”

The purple bear will thank me

As he dries his tears away

And hug the small plush human

And know that he’s okay.

I want to pat that little bear

Upon his purple head,

But I’m also scared he’ll maul me

So I’m hunting him instead.

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The Problem With Seeing Eye Dogs

My puppy seemed a little lax

So I whipped out his leash and snacks

And hooked him up and took a run

Down past Forever 21.

The air was crisp with breaking dawn.

We passed some neighbors looking on

And heads came out of every door

To see my puppy, lax no more.

We passed the diner and laundromat.

We passed gas stations (and giggled at that).

We jogged the park and strolled the street

To get my pup to pickup his feet.

I took my puppy for a walk

Around and round a city block

And all the while people said

“You’re sick, you freak! Your dog is dead!”

But we got home all safe and sound

And I unleashed my weary hound

And scratched good boy behind his ears

And then he napped for 15 years.

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Japan, 1944

The waves were crashing on the shore;

It was a lovely sight.

The fireflies caroused with me

Amidst the starry night.

The sand, still warm with faded sun,

Was soft beneath my feet.

Then my house was firebombed

By the US Pacific Fleet.

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That’s Why My Nickname Is “Fish Lips”

My dad has the heart of a lion.

My mom has the heart of a gnu.

Sure, my dad has better taste

But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.

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Sorry Fellow Libra…

When I was born the doctor said

“Your son may never speak.

“His tongue is all misshapen,

“His entire body weak.

My parents only smiled and laughed

As they rode home on the bus

Saying “At least that doctor

“Wasn’t talking to us!”

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Wizard, Meet Rogue

He said he had a magic trick

That always would impress.

He told me to pick any card

So I picked his American Express.

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BTW I’m Not Jewish

She lay beside me

Still in her white dress.

My mouth was alight in her taste.

Her skin was like russet.

Her body was slender

From tip-to-tip, straight in the waist.

She was my fantasy,

Food on my table,

Sustaining me all through the day.

So although it is weird

To put a dress on bacon

I do it ’cause she is my bae.

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National Geographic Vs. HBO

I hear the pitter-patter

Of the children’s tiny feet,

See them playing in the forest

Despite the sultry August heat.

They run and sing so happily.

They live without a care.

They’ll fill my belly nicely

‘Cause %^*# you, I’m a bear.

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The Real Darkness Approaches…

Once a year we celebrate

The gruesome and bizarre,

The stuff that gives clowns nightmares

And makes wolves hide under cars.

We make light of the horrific,

Let go the values we hold dear…

We call this celebration “tax day”

And it’ll come in half a year.

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