Tag Archives: Plot Twist

The Rat Slayer’s Lament

Tonight I was a mighty warrior

Slinging balls of fire,

Casting down the many foes

Both minionesque and dire.

I spewed death from every pore

And slayed the vermin foul,

But when I leave the tavern’s basement

I throw in the towel.

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Multipurpose Tool

A shiny new piano

Is a beauty to behold,

And music can bring life and warmth

Despite the rain and cold.

Every key and inch of wood

Brings harmony, dear reader…

Especially when dropped from the 60th floor

Onto the appropriate world leader.

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All Part Of A Complete Breakfast

The toaster makes you crispy bread.

The fridge chills out your meals.

The plate will hold your citrus fruit

And the garbage holds the peels.

The dishwasher will clean things up

And there’s cereal on the shelf.

The pit trap on the front porch

Means you enjoy it by yourself.

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This Was Super Wholesome Until I Couldn’t Think Of A Rhyme And Now It’s A Drinking Song

If the sun comes up tomorrow

And you no longer exist

You will not be scared or sad

Annoyed, confused, or pissed;

You will not suffer any pain

Or shed a single tear,

No longer prone to earthly woes,

‘Cause you’re no longer here!

If you cease to be a thing

Nothing will cause you harm.

You won’t regret the time you wasted

On your Facebook farm.

If the sun comes up tomorrow

And you’re absent from the dawn

You won’t mind when the whole world sings

“Thank God he’s finally gone!”

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Averted The Crisis Is. Used Common Sense We Did.

A long time ago,

In a galaxy far away

Some Jedi asked the federation

How much they’d have to pay

To get the robot army guys

To stop blocking Naboo.

They came to a reasonable compromise

And they never filmed episode two.

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Something Worth Fighting

Captain Daniel Anderson

Stood before the 3rd infantry

And called out, “Men, a moment!

“We’ll soon meet destiny.

“Be brave! Be bold! Remember

“That we served each other well.

“Now on we go to victory

“Or tonight we’ll dine in Hell!”

Well Captain Daniel Anderson

And the 3rd infantry fought

With tooth and nail, but doomed to fail;

Their efforts came to naught.

So once again he called out

“We did all that we could do.”

Then they sat for dinner

At a party thrown by you.

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The Power Of Syllabic Symmetry And Meter In Modern Poetry

Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters

I get a temptation that of me can get the better:

You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…

Heeeeeey Macarena!

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Paper News

There was a piece of paper

Atop a tower tall

Who sought to end its lonely life

Through one climactic fall

But when he took that fateful leap

He found out he could fly

And soared for miles in ecstasy

Instead of trying to die.

And when the paper fluttered

To the Earth, it climbed again

And leapt and soared, rinse and repeat,

Or so said CNN.

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In Local News: Dick Trenchcoat Still At Large

I once was in love with a dame

Who, for privacy’s sake, I won’t name.

When I undressed, she shouted,

Which I think is undoubted

Why I had to leave the park. Lame!

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When You Feel Invisible At Your Job

Shinji-San, as your boss

It is my job to say

I haven’t seen you working

Since at least last Saturday.

I haven’t seen you punching in,

I haven’t heard your voice,

And so I called you in today

Because I have no choice…

I’m giving you a pay raise

And your choice of special perk.

You’re a fantastic ninja

And I hope to see less good work.

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