Tonight I was a mighty warrior
Slinging balls of fire,
Casting down the many foes
Both minionesque and dire.
I spewed death from every pore
And slayed the vermin foul,
But when I leave the tavern’s basement
I throw in the towel.
Tag Archives: Plot Twist
Multipurpose Tool
A shiny new piano
Is a beauty to behold,
And music can bring life and warmth
Despite the rain and cold.
Every key and inch of wood
Brings harmony, dear reader…
Especially when dropped from the 60th floor
Onto the appropriate world leader.
Filed under Poems
All Part Of A Complete Breakfast
The toaster makes you crispy bread.
The fridge chills out your meals.
The plate will hold your citrus fruit
And the garbage holds the peels.
The dishwasher will clean things up
And there’s cereal on the shelf.
The pit trap on the front porch
Means you enjoy it by yourself.
Filed under Poems
This Was Super Wholesome Until I Couldn’t Think Of A Rhyme And Now It’s A Drinking Song
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you no longer exist
You will not be scared or sad
Annoyed, confused, or pissed;
You will not suffer any pain
Or shed a single tear,
No longer prone to earthly woes,
‘Cause you’re no longer here!
If you cease to be a thing
Nothing will cause you harm.
You won’t regret the time you wasted
On your Facebook farm.
If the sun comes up tomorrow
And you’re absent from the dawn
You won’t mind when the whole world sings
“Thank God he’s finally gone!”
Filed under Poems
Averted The Crisis Is. Used Common Sense We Did.
A long time ago,
In a galaxy far away
Some Jedi asked the federation
How much they’d have to pay
To get the robot army guys
To stop blocking Naboo.
They came to a reasonable compromise
And they never filmed episode two.
Filed under Poems
Something Worth Fighting
Captain Daniel Anderson
Stood before the 3rd infantry
And called out, “Men, a moment!
“We’ll soon meet destiny.
“Be brave! Be bold! Remember
“That we served each other well.
“Now on we go to victory
“Or tonight we’ll dine in Hell!”
Well Captain Daniel Anderson
And the 3rd infantry fought
With tooth and nail, but doomed to fail;
Their efforts came to naught.
So once again he called out
“We did all that we could do.”
Then they sat for dinner
At a party thrown by you.
Filed under Poems
The Power Of Syllabic Symmetry And Meter In Modern Poetry
Any time I write a poem with a lotta letters
I get a temptation that of me can get the better:
You may have to read twice or the joke you will not get her…
Heeeeeey Macarena!
Filed under Poems
Paper News
There was a piece of paper
Atop a tower tall
Who sought to end its lonely life
Through one climactic fall
But when he took that fateful leap
He found out he could fly
And soared for miles in ecstasy
Instead of trying to die.
And when the paper fluttered
To the Earth, it climbed again
And leapt and soared, rinse and repeat,
Or so said CNN.
Filed under Poems
In Local News: Dick Trenchcoat Still At Large
I once was in love with a dame
Who, for privacy’s sake, I won’t name.
When I undressed, she shouted,
Which I think is undoubted
Why I had to leave the park. Lame!
Filed under Poems
When You Feel Invisible At Your Job
Shinji-San, as your boss
It is my job to say
I haven’t seen you working
Since at least last Saturday.
I haven’t seen you punching in,
I haven’t heard your voice,
And so I called you in today
Because I have no choice…
I’m giving you a pay raise
And your choice of special perk.
You’re a fantastic ninja
And I hope to see less good work.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 