Tag Archives: Puns

Feeling Gassy?

“Can I be my own

“Anesthesiologist?”

“Sure, knock yourself out.”

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Adventures in Undead Education

Little Dracula was a fool.

Little Dracula didn’t go to school.

His one weakness he could not surmount:

Little Dracula could not count.

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Health Class Paid Off

Body builder said

“Feel my upper back”, but I

Knew it was a trap.

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Still Better Than JJ Abrams

Did you hear about the filmmaker

Named “Very Clumsy Greg”

Who was famous on the set

For always hurting his leg?

Well, one day during filming

As a scene was to begin

He said, “Lights”, then he said “camera”,

And then he said, “Ack! Shin!”

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The Science Of Attraction

If you say something sweet to a glacier

And it melts their icy heart

They quietly whisper, “thawwwwwww”

And that’s how global warming starts.

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Piano Tuning Saves Lives

If you sit at a piano

And you plink out A-C-E

Then you played an A Minor chord

So very easily.

But if you sit at a piano

That is really out of tune

Then you might screw up A Minor

And the cops will show up soon.

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Liar Or Grammar Nazi… Which Is Worse?

They say there was a mermaid

With a very short torso

Even though she was seven feet long.

Some people have told me

That it’s a tall tale

And I tell them they spelled “tail” wrong.

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Get It… Terrific?

I’ve heard people say leftists are happy

With Trump’s economics. A specific

Comment I heard is that they are feeling

A really strong feeling of tariff-ick.

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P. Diddy? More Like R. Chaic! (Gregorian Ba Dum Tss)

I suspect between 476-1450 AD

The pedophiles cried and raged

Because even the youngest of children

Were all still middle aged.

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The Ghost Busters Reboot We Wanted, But Disney Won’t Approve My Script

I think they should have a Ghostbusters

Where they find a haunted house

But they’re not allowed to cleanse it

‘Cause some fat chick in a blouse

Hears some old white men are coming

And they’re going to exercise

And she wants no part of that.

Then the ghosts come and she dies.

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