Tag Archives: Silly

The Expendable Letters

The letters Z and X, 

And also Q and C,

Left the alphabet one day

In a flight of misery.
They knew they were superfluous,

That they could not make a sound

Unique and unimitatible

By the other 22 letters around.
And so we started seeing

Other letters filling in.

K and S hung out in a hotel lobby

Until J jekked them in.
The letters had more duties,

And had to get more brainy.

S started having seizures 

Filling in for words like “zany.”
Eventually, they all came back

After things came to a head.

Alas, Q was still useless

And Z wanted to be called “Zed.”
X declared a monopoly

On marking spots on a map.

And poor old C remained

Just the first piece of Crap.

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Origin Story

There was a farmer’s daughter,

And Gertrude was her name.

She didn’t turn out all that great.

Perhaps her parents were to blame?
Her smile was like curdled milk,

All thick and full of germs.

She ate the milk that fermented

With her best friends, the worms.
One worm in particular

Was a rapper by his trade.

One day he greeted her, “Yo Gert!”

And history was made.
So when you eat your Dannon,

Yoplait, Greek, or normal,

Remember Gert and the gangsta worm

And don’t be so darn formal.

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Just Trust Me

There are very few problems

That cannot be solved

By a handful of raisins

And a baseball bat.
How do those fix it?

Is that what you said?

I was hoping you wouldn’t

Ask me that…

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The Obligatory Mom Poem (Love Ya Mom!)

My mom is great, amazing, fine,

Perfect and extraordinary.

I’m grateful to her for all she does

And not naming me “Norman Harry.”
My mom is splendid, glorious, good,

Supremely radiant and such.

She supports my rhyming habits,

Even if it’s a bit too much.
My mom is strong and good-looking

And her children are above average.

She’s a fixture of nature,

Like a coral reef or lava-ridge.
My mom’s terrific, pretty good,

And her favorite color is purple.

She’s cuter than a bumblebee

And sweeter than maple-surple.
There are so many adjectives

That my mother can be.

She changed the world a thousandfold

By giving birth to me.

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Nailed It!

If you miss a manicure

You may mot feel remorse.

But then, just you imagine

You were riding on a horse.

You granbed the reins and kicked your heels,

But the horse, it gave a buck

‘Cause it knew your nails were bland.

Yeah, that would kinda suck.

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Squeaking By

My financial situation

Is eating this rodent whole.

They told me I should “gopher broke.”

Alas, I’m just a mole.

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It Shone in the Far Window

Moon light, moon bright,

Only moon I’ll see tonight…

Then my neighbor proved me wrong,

And I had to sing a different song.

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Garb-led Thoughts

I wonder if pants are perverts,

Delighted by their jobs,

Or whether some are picky

And are nether-region snobs.

And how do skirts and dresses

Differ from their legged kinds?

I imagine they are similar,

But with much more open minds.

And what of kilts and leggings?

Of loincloths and codpieces?

What difference is the length and style

Of those modesty-guarding fleeces?

Perhaps I’ll never know the musings

Of my lower body clothing.

I just hope their destiny

Is something they aren’t loathing.

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…or something

This poem: you might find

Reading it is kinda tough

Because it touches on

Things like vaguery and stuff.

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Impossible Yoga

Breathe in, breathe out.
Put your lips in a pout.

Breathe out, breathe in.
Extend all your skin.

Inhale, exhale.
Stretch each fingernail.

Air above, air beneath.
Bite your lower teeth.

Breath out, breathe in.
Stare up at your chin.

Take in the air.
Flex all of your hair.

Count sideways from ten,
And do it again.

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