Once again the footballs clashed
Between two well-paid teams
Who di athletic contest stuff
To countless fans’ screams
While corporations tried their best
To make us watch their ad
And all the Philedelphians
Are feeling pretty mad.
The winners were the chiefs, of course,
And also Jesus and beer.
Here’s to the beat Super Bowl ever
Until it happens again next year!
Filed under Poems
At first today my heart was pained
By knowing every team
In the NFL I cared about
This year had lost their dream.
Then my brain switched on a light
And I did realize
Two teams I strongly dislike
Have to get hit by guys twice my size,
That excellence and victory
Brought them 4 weeks of extra pain
For a 50/50 shot
At a trophy they might gain.
And somewhere betwixt my brain and heart
I realized how futile are rings and crowns
And found new admiration
For the 49ers and the Browns.
Tea is made of soggy leaves,
Coffee of boiled beans.
Juice is made of beat-up fruit
Or bovine growth-enhancing genes.
Alcohol is rotten food
Made into liquid form.
Milk is full of hormones
Much like a college dorm.
But water is made of melted ice
And of precipitation.
And it makes you joyful, calm, and well
According to our information.
You’re ninety percent water,
As you may already know.
So why not buy Dasani
When you look for H2O?
This poem features many notable celebrities, and should compel you to buy Dasani brand water.
Filed under Poems
‘Twas a fine midwinter rodeo
And we were thankful it hadn’t snowed.
We were nearly done, the steers had run,
And the bulls had all been rode.
But the final event was canceled,
And it’s a funny reason why:
Turns out that all the broncos choked,
When a blue/green bird flew by.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 