Tag Archives: NFL

If Only The British Had An Army Of Sentient Bears, America Might Never Have Existed #ThingsFootballTaughtMe

One day in ye olde Boston faire

Some guys had a tea party there.

Then some bears mauled them… mean!

33 to 14

And yeah, the analogy ends there.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Thursday Night Football

There once were some Illinois Bears

Who played the ex-redskins by O’hare.

They punted and punted

And punted and punted

And who the heck actually cares?

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Episode 12: A New Hope

There once was a Seahawks QB

Who wore a shirt that said “3”.

The fans said “Oh no”

When they watched Russell go

But now they chant “Geno for me!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Hope Exists In Odd Places

The fact that football stadiums

Are filled with maskless faces

Who came to watch a bunch of men

Of many faiths and races

Hit each other for a ball

While chanting “Let’s Go Brandon”

Makes me think the world’s too good

To suddenly abandon.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

This Poem Reflects Their Work Ethic

If you want the very best

Be a fan of the New York Jets.

That rhyme didn’t work quite right

And neither do they.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Another Perspective…

The top one-percent of earners

Make $585 K.

The minimum NFL salary

Is $615,000 today.

These 0.95-percenters

Complain about being oppressed

And wonder why their unemployed fans

Are anything less than impressed.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

When You Can Watch Something Other Than Baseball And Golf Again

‘Twas the week before football

And all through the States

Everyone outside Boston

Came to terms with their fates.

So many Don’taes,

Tyrones, and Lamars

Checked if Wendy’s needed

Someone who could lift cars.

Meanwhile those lucky

To remain on their teams

Prayed the ACL gods

Would not ruin their dreams.

The fans were all cozy

Wrapped up on their couches

While the TV says who’ll be

The sleepers and slouches.

And a tenth of a billion

Mostly female folks

Didn’t see the appeal

Of tackling blokes,

Yet still two-hundred-million

Pulled on overpriced shirts

With the last name of someone

Whose whole body hurts.

They’ll sit back to watch

As the combat begins.

They’ll be happy as long

As their animal wins.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

This Losing Thing Is Underrated

At first today my heart was pained

By knowing every team

In the NFL I cared about

This year had lost their dream.

Then my brain switched on a light

And I did realize

Two teams I strongly dislike

Have to get hit by guys twice my size,

That excellence and victory

Brought them 4 weeks of extra pain

For a 50/50 shot

At a trophy they might gain.

And somewhere betwixt my brain and heart

I realized how futile are rings and crowns

And found new admiration

For the 49ers and the Browns.

1 Comment

Filed under Poems

But Not Soccer… I’m Not That Desperate

I kinda hope the NFL

Display the stubborness of men

And they keep sitting for the anthem

Because I figure then

People will start watching hockey

And I can talk about sports again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

The Kaepernick Song

I say you can kneel if you wanna

Before you play behind the line,

But if your political stance

Draws an unpopular glance

Then you’ll be on no team of mine!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems