Tag Archives: NFL

When You Can Watch Something Other Than Baseball And Golf Again

‘Twas the week before football

And all through the States

Everyone outside Boston

Came to terms with their fates.

So many Don’taes,

Tyrones, and Lamars

Checked if Wendy’s needed

Someone who could lift cars.

Meanwhile those lucky

To remain on their teams

Prayed the ACL gods

Would not ruin their dreams.

The fans were all cozy

Wrapped up on their couches

While the TV says who’ll be

The sleepers and slouches.

And a tenth of a billion

Mostly female folks

Didn’t see the appeal

Of tackling blokes,

Yet still two-hundred-million

Pulled on overpriced shirts

With the last name of someone

Whose whole body hurts.

They’ll sit back to watch

As the combat begins.

They’ll be happy as long

As their animal wins.

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This Losing Thing Is Underrated

At first today my heart was pained

By knowing every team

In the NFL I cared about

This year had lost their dream.

Then my brain switched on a light

And I did realize

Two teams I strongly dislike

Have to get hit by guys twice my size,

That excellence and victory

Brought them 4 weeks of extra pain

For a 50/50 shot

At a trophy they might gain.

And somewhere betwixt my brain and heart

I realized how futile are rings and crowns

And found new admiration

For the 49ers and the Browns.

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But Not Soccer… I’m Not That Desperate

I kinda hope the NFL

Display the stubborness of men

And they keep sitting for the anthem

Because I figure then

People will start watching hockey

And I can talk about sports again.

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The Kaepernick Song

I say you can kneel if you wanna

Before you play behind the line,

But if your political stance

Draws an unpopular glance

Then you’ll be on no team of mine!

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This Weeks Hot Fantasy Football Tip Brought To You Hurricane Irma

So I hear there’s a hurricane

Headed for Florida.

Under most circumstances

That’s a thing I’d abhor-ida

But it’s postponed the game

‘Tween the Dolphins and Rays

So my fantasy matchup is easier

Which deserves a few “yays.” 

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Why I Love Football

This month we will experience

The NFL’s preseason

In which millionaires hit each other

Deapite the lack of any reason,

And we the fans will cheer

To kick our team’s rival’s posterior

Because we can’t play ourselves

Since we’re genetically inferior.

We’ll sit and eat and fart a bit

And somehow manage to sweat.

At the end half of us will sob

While half say “best preseason yet!”

Then we picture our team’s victory

And order larger pants

With the logo of some other team

That actually has a chance.

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Sports, From a Nerd’s Perspective

Some sports
Are played on courts
Others on fields or rinks.
Some play on pitches,
But I won’t rhyme with that.
(The reason is obvious, methinks).

Some balls are small
And don’t bounce at all
Others are not even spherical.
Some play with pucks,
‘Specially those Canucks.
This stuff’s proven, widely known, and empirical.

When you win, it’s a joy,
Perhaps more if you’re a boy,
But that debate’s for another occasion.
So yippee for sports
And those athletic sorts.
As for me, I’ll just solve this equation.

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