If the world ends tomorrow
Then the world won’t end today.
If you have more rhetorical questions
Please make them go away.
Monthly Archives: October 2014
Rhetorical Answers
Filed under Poems
SKYP
The yeti is a peaceful beast
Who lacks in privacy
‘Cause he’s always being hunted down
By chaps like you and me.
So I began a coalition
To give bigfoot some peace.
I call it SKYP, which stands for
Stop Katching Yeti Please.
I put the group on Facebook
But not on that Twitter site
‘Cause in 140 characters or less
I can’t get my message right.
So if you’re concerned with freedom
For out Northern monstrous friend
Please send me checks or paypal,
And that’s this poem’s end.
Filed under Poems
The Family That Fights Together
My Grandpa was a pilot,
My Grandma was a nurse,
But my dad made the big money.
He was the guy who drove the hearse.
Filed under Poems
Not What I Expected
I became a mafioso
As a way to pay my bills,
As well as for the infamy
And the less-than-legal thrills.
I thought I was a renegade,
Far away from “nine to five.”
As it turns out a life of crime
Is a fairly blasé jive.
I wake up in the morning
And I drink my coffee black
While I eat a few calzone
And plan the day’s attack.
Then I hop into my auto
And I collect the cash
From those under my “protection”
And the guys who sell my hash.
I rob some banks, but get no thanks.
I work weekends all the time.
I cause some wrecks and stack the decks
But I’m un-fulfilled by crime.
At the end of the day we wise-guys,
Goodfellas, and Made-men
Sleep off our indiscretions
And then do it all again.
So here’s my two weeks notice
With all this crook’s respect.
I’m getting out, just hoping
Papa Gino don’t object.
Crazy Love
Frodo carried Sauron’s ring
Through Middle Earth to Mordor.
My second cousin Marty hosts
A smuggling ring across the border.
I fell in love, in a ring of fire,
Though you bug me all to heck.
Now it’s a question of “put a ring on it”
Or just to wring your neck.
Collegiate Feelings
It doesn’t take a PhD
To see just what you do to me.
Sometimes I want an MBA
To manage all I want to say.
I feel the need for an MD
Whenever I feel your caress.
I hope that you love me enough
To tolerate this man’s BS.
Filed under Poems
The Explanation
I try to make
Some cash to take
Home to my wife, Em.
I try to paint,
And good I ain’t,
Though the hotels take to them.
Filed under Poems
The Path Less Trav’l’d
Perhaps people purposefully
Alienate alliteration,
Prob’ly ’cause they tried it once before.
Then they found abbreviation
Which is sup’r fun and simpl’
And they switch’d allegiances forev’r mor’.
Filed under Poems
A Matter of Scale
I’m better at sex
Than I am at sports.
It’s really very clear
Since I’m lightyears away
From the MBA
But half a foot from a porn-star career.
Filed under Poems
The Day I Was Smote
I go to church
Once every year
Just to make sure
Of Hell I’m clear.
As I was sitting
On the pew
I suffered pain
And yelled “ow-oo!”
Good sir, you have a hymnia,
A very painful affliction.
It’s very like a hernia
But with better tone and diction.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 