No one ever paid to see
My possum, who played “dead.”
Now I have a dead possum
Who plays “alive” instead.
Category Archives: Poems
License Renewal Time
I legally changed my name
To hhdgicdtkifddhutee,
Just to screw with the guys
Working at the DMV.
Filed under Poems
Play To Your Strengths
I asked for honest feedback
On my good qualities.
I guess I should be prouder
Of my “unobtrusive sneeze.”
Filed under Poems
Revenge
Bird in the window,
Looking at me.
Windowsill avian,
What do you see?
Human inside,
Being looked at-
I just came to say,
“Say goodbye to your cat.”
Filed under Poems
The Bright Side
It’s 4:00 AM and sunny.
The birds are singing,
Dogs are howling,
Flies are buzzing,
Cats are meowling,
Horns are honking,
Kids are screaming.
Luckily, I’m deaf,
And Happily dreaming.
Filed under Poems
Keywords
I’m trying to attract more visitors
To this little blog o’ mine,
And, as you’d say to a stranger,
“Everything’s going fine.”
That said, with all the interest
On riots and anarchy,
I thought I’d write a poem
For those in national security.
Bomb, plastic explosives,
Terrorism, June.
Do not fly to Baltimore.
Tomorrow night at noon.
[Unintelligible string of letters].
Shoe bombs and bomb swallowers.
That should give me some new views
(And maybe a few new followers).
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
When You’ve Got It…
I took a waterskiing lesson,
And I don’t want to gloat,
But they said I had a gift
For being dragged behind a boat.
Filed under Poems
It’s A Drum Solo, Right?
Mayday! Mayday!
The ships going down!
We suspect foul play,
Or some “boom-chicka-wow-wown.”
Ship going down,
This is island command.
We’re all on our lunch,
So we can’t lend a hand.
Island command,
We’re now sunk in the cape.
I hope we don’t lose
The “boom-chicka” we taped.
Sinking explorer,
We copy again.
We’re sending a team.
They’ll be there in ten.
Fortune-Cooker In Training
I crack the fortune cookie
And read read the wisdom within.
“Today, be careful of breaking things.”
Cookie talent must be wearing thin.
The Phantom’s Text
With nineteen seconds to play in the fourth
The Phantoms were down by five.
The quarterback was middle-aged
And wanted to feel alive.
He scanned for his receiver
But saw just a wall of men,
So he said a prayer. The ball hit air
And began a spiral spen.
Fat Jerry from the corner store
Leapt with a prayer of his own,
And might have caught that desperate pass,
But he thought he heard his phone.
And as the boal soared past his hands
To a song that hadn’t played,
He knew he’d lost the MVP
And he wasn’t getting laid.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 