Go away sunshine.
I ain’t in the mood.
Leave me alone.
Just let me brood.
Go away sunshine
Like my Polly’s gone.
She had many good sides,
But whose side was she on?
Go away sunshine.
I know she’s a snacker,
But who could predict
How she wanted that cracker?
Go away sunshine.
Let me sit in this cage,
And share with passerby
My avian rage.
Filed under Poems
There are poems about love and nature
And poems about the nature of love.
There are poems about ravens and monsters
And a fancy silk elbow-length glove.
There are ballads about heroes and traitors
And songs about peasants and kings.
Yet sometimes one wants to hear ballads
About boring and everyday things.
And thus I composed such an epic
Of the trite, average, and bourgeois.
I sent it to publishers many
But I haven’t heard back so fa’.
So wish me luck that my venture
Into the world of cliche,
And should my venture fail, perhaps
You’ll read my work in “USA Today.”
Filed under Poems
Puppies and sunsets,
Music and books,
Women who give me
Those “come hither” looks.
Orange juice and blue whales
Letters that rhyme with “E.”
Those are a few of my favorite things.
Too bad the Von Trapps don’t agree.
Filed under Poems
It was a heavy wait,
A pregnant pause,
As I thought of what to say.
From the force of the blow
I knew I was wrong,
But her butt did look fat in a way.
Filed under Poems
My writer’s nerve is blocked.
My sinuses are too.
Please accept this micro-poem
And this picture of R2.
Filed under Poems
I am a Princess on the run,
But not for parties and frivolous fun.
I fled for my life, ’cause here’s the thing:
I’m the daughter of the Burger King.
I loved my Mom* and trusted Daddy
Until the took my hand-heifer, Patty.
They tied her up and milked her dry,
And then I watched poor Patty die.
Every day my legs grow faster
As I run to greener pasture.
Seeking something to make life full,
Even if that’s all just bull.
*The Dairy Queen, of course.
Filed under Poems
I started out with aspirin
To dull some of the pain,
Then NyQuil, DayQuil, and vitamin C
To make the sickness wane.
Then I tried garlic, cloves and sage,
Parsley, rosemary, and thyme.
I danced in the rain and howled
And put coconut into my lime.
At the start of the fifth day
A unicorn brought me viagra
And a bottle of water that, I was told,
Came straight from the falls of Niagara.
I hope I feel much better.
I deserve it, Heaven knows.
On the other hand, if I should die
I’ll never decompose.
(Thanks for bearing with me through all of the sickness poems. I want them to stop just as much as you).
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
It’s not that I don’t want you
To ever go to sleep.
I’m just afraid that you’ll forget
About this post-nasal seep,
And so every now and then
I give your throat a tickle
And hope that while you’re coughing
You think about my mucus trickle.
When, like me, you’re just a symptom
It’s hard to find romance,
But when you crawled into your bed
I thought I’d take a chance.
Well, now you probably hate me
And I don’t blame you a bit.
Sorry it wasn’t good for you,
But I take what I can get.
Filed under Poems
There is a Brazilian Spambot
That, about my blog, does care.
It thinks my articles are meaningful
And look! It’s got porn to share!
My dear Brazilian Spambot
Ensures at least one view a day,
And the folks on “girlsgonewild.com”
Might just get referred my way.
And my Spambot has a sister
Who is 18 years or olda’.
I think her name is Rachel,
Sarah, Bridget, Kate, or Golda.
So thank you lovely Spambot.
I hope this article informs.
Have fun with the rest of your day
Autofilling digital forms.
Filed under Poems
America’s founding fathers
Were some level 20 rogues
Playing games of protestation,
Dressed in breaches, wigs, and brogues.
They tossed their tea leaves in the bay
When the stamp act was in place,
And they kicked the redcoats’ butts
(Though the French kicked them in the face).
And so the revolution
Was a critical success,
And thanks to Washington et al
We can choose how we want to dress.
So tonight go watch some fireworks,
Pyrotechnics in the sky,
And give thanks for this nation
That educated I.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 