Tag Archives: Relationships

Requires At Least 18 Years Of Continuous Experience In This Gender

We’ve finally reached the fated day

Where your date presents a resume

And you have to ask her in detail

About the gap in her experience as a female

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She Played Another Game With Me…

Her epic trapper spidey

Killed my supersonic bat-dragon.

Apparently the divorce is off

And we’re back to love and naggin’!

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And You Thought Monopoly Ruined Friendships…

My magic thunder doggy

Killed my fiancee’s fairy horse.

Yes, she played Pokemon with me.

Yes, we’re headed for divorce.

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Within Every Girl Is A Great Power, Waiting For These Words To Be Unleashed…

In animated TV shows

A girl will find a magic thing

And say a word like “Fairy glows”

And the world around her blooms and sings

And rainbows fly around her while

Her outfit morphs, her hair grows long,

And she becomes “Power Angel Smile”,

As beautiful as she is strong.

Armed with justice, power, and grace

She slays all who her oppose.

Who can stop her and erase

Her magic power? No one knows!

If you would see this transformation

And a woman gain this deadly crown

Just say “Babe, for your information

“You’re overreacting. Just calm down.”

This, but angry…

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Relationship Goals


Is a great mathematical hero

Because it refrains from doing crime

Despite running into its X literally all the time.

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There May Also Be Breeding Involved…

There once was a digital horse

Who ran with electrical force.

It’s in my girlfriend’s phone

And now I’m alone

‘Cause she’s busy racing, of course!

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Weird But True

My wife thinks I am a spider

And I think she may be right

Because both I and a spider

Make her scream at night.

My wife reminds me of a Nickelback

CD that I play. It

Makes a noise I quite enjoy

Although I’d never publicly say it.

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Yet Another Tinder Success

She was skinnier than the toilet paper

They gave me in the slammer.

Her favorite flavor of potato chip

Was probably “Arm and Hammer.”

She weighs 90 pounds in flip-flops

And half as much without

And her hair was like the love child

Of silly string and sauerkraut.

When I picked her up at 7:00

I mistook her for her Pomeranian.

Turns out she was trilingual:

English, Klingon, and Albanian.

We went to see a movie:

“Alvin the Chipmunk meets Baby Shark.”

I’m not saying I’m desperate

But I think I felt a spark!

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Happy Birthday Becky!

Today’s my lady’s birthday

(And this time it’s not my mom).

She’s redheaded and pretty

And I think she is the bomb.

She kicks my butt at Mario Kart

And grabs my butt covertly

And when anybody speaks ill of her

I tell them off quite curtly.

She’s 25 years old today

And full of fun and grace

And I’m going to feed her lots of sugar

And kiss her adorable face

And then, dear reader, after dark

We’ll do our favorite things. An

Act of love and passion

By which I mean play Wingspan.

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My Fiancee Made Me Watch A Barbie Movie

There once was a prince named Stefon

Who met a fantabulous blon

De girl with long hair

And there was love everywhere

And oh god, please rescue me! I’ve made a terrible mistake! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

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