Upon the sofa down we sat,
Eating ice cream, happy, fat,
Eyes on the TV, wearing no pants:
This is my ideal of romance!
Tag Archives: Relationships
*Grunt, Impale Worm On Hook, Lifelong Companion*
Women will talk to their friends
About what their friends would say
If they knew what someone whose not their friend
Said “Hi” instead of “Hey”.
They’ll whisper all about a person’s
Clothes or hair or walk.
Guys don’t have this problem
Because male friends don’t talk.
Dear Ladies, Love Men
My girl made me a sandwich
And left a little note:
“Sandwich in the fridge. I love you!”
That was all she wrote.
That was all I needed
To get me through the day
And made every struggle, small and large,
Seem perfectly okay.
So when your boyfriend, husband,
Or another man declares
“Go make me a sandwich”
It shows you that he cares
Enough about your love to ask
For what he really needs.
If you want true love to grow
That’s how to sow the seeds.
Filed under Poems
Artistic Priorities
Today I was a DJ
At a wedding for my friends.
It was great, but tiring
And thus this poem ends.
Filed under Poems
When Thy Quarry Escapeth And Thy Counterpart Is Not Amusethed
The itsy-bitsy spider
Was sitting on the floor,
Having a rest
Beneath the cabinet door.
I came to smash him
And end his worthless life
But he crawled away to safety…
Now I have to face the wife.
Filed under Poems
A Hallmark Card For Long-Distance Relationships
Hey girl! Are you a sitting duck
Or you the broadside of a barn
Or another easy-target such-and-such?
You’re amazing and you’re super
And I feel like a storm trooper
‘Cause it’s crazy, missing you this much.
Filed under Poems
She’s Actually Not, But The Punchline Makes Me Seem Desperate, And Desperation Is Funny
My girl is sexier than yours.
She could knock hinges off doors.
She has pretty knees and toes
And looks good with and without clothes.
She has pretty auburn hair
And says fancy stuff like “Au contraire”.
She’s the girl I’m going to marry…
Who cares if she’s imaginary?
Filed under Poems
Jasmine Is Not A Fan Of Arabian Heat
Mohammed had a magic carpet
That very ably flew;
It could go zero to sixty
In precisely 8.2
But Aladdin had a carpet
With a sunroof and AC
So the choice of who to date
Was obvious to me!
Filed under Poems
Piece by Peace
You told me that you’re broken
But I have to disagree.
You’re at the disadvantage
Of not seeing what I see.
You don’t see my future
When mascara washes away;
You don’t see the smile
I ask God for when I pray;
You don’t hear the stars align
Every time you laugh and sing.
Even when you feel broken
You’re my everything.
So when you say you’re broken
Disbelieve a little while
While I become a mirror
To show you how you smile,
How you laugh and how you sing
And cry but keep on living;
I want to reflect to you
The love you’re always giving
Until the sun will rise again
And together we will shine
And find your broken pieces
Fit perfectly with mine.
Filed under Poems
My Girl Called This “So Sweet” … Should I Be Worried?
I love you
With all my heart,
Like hobos love
A shopping cart,
Like children laugh
When people fart,
When we are near
Or far apart.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 