Tag Archives: Relationships

My Girl Called This “So Sweet” … Should I Be Worried?

I love you
With all my heart,
Like hobos love
A shopping cart,
Like children laugh
When people fart,
When we are near
Or far apart.

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The First Zebra Is Born

There was a majestic white horse

Who was, of nature, a force.

She said “It’s alright

“That our kid’s black and white”

But her husband still wants a divorce.

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For The One

I love how ordinary days

Can set my heart alight.

I love the normal, glorious ways

Your face can glow so bright,

How just to fall asleep with you

Makes my entire week

And how many ways we say “I love you”

With eyes and blushing cheeks.

I’m glad I make you feel safe

When life just isn’t fair.

My heart is yours and much more full

Than my poor head of hair.

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She Even Reads My Bad Poems ❤️

Once in a while you meet someone nice,

And once a year someone ideal,

But once in a lifetime you might meet a person

Who’s someone entirely real;

Who burps like a hippo and sleeps like a kitten

With hair that demands that you pet it;

They’ll go out of their way to buy baby corn

Though it took them two Safeways to get it.

Sometimes that person is one of a kind,

Someone faithful and honest and true,

And your only job is forgetting to doubt

That their perfect partner is you.

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Haiku, Because Obviously

At my girlfriend’s house…

Use your imagination

Or don’t… that’s your call

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At Least I Commit To Finishing Acrostics Though

I is for the intimacy we have yet to share

M is for the the many ways I show you I care

N is for how no one can compare

E is for “except that girl who has the pretty hair.”

V is for how very sorry I will claim to be

E is for that exceptional hair I never will unsee…

R is for I’m really sorry this time. Forgive me?

G is for the gift I’ll buy to say that I’m sorry

E is for how every day you give me another chance.

T is for the tightness you inspire in my pants

T is for your temperance, which totally rhymes with “dance”

I is for how I hope to rekindle our romance

N is for how nuts it is I ogle other girls

G is for “good thing I’m not into hair with sexy curls.”

L is for how light catches her hair as it unfurls…

A is for “Alright, alright! I’ll buy you some new pearls.”

I is for I really wish I were a better dude

D is for “Doggone it, if you weren’t such a prude…”

A is for apologizing for how I am lewd

G is for the golden curls falling upon the nude…

A is for “At least I didn’t finish the previous line.”

I is for the infinite ways you, my dear, are fine.

N is the never being bad again if you’ll remain as mine.

! is the punctuation after you vehemently decline.

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It’s True Because It’s True Because It’s True…

In the bible it’s very clear

That having sex with one who’s near

To you in blood is something that one doesn’t.

If you’re another brother’s mother

Be wary choosing a significant other

Because sin be cousins causin’ cousins.

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‘Cause Chicks Love Poetry

When my friends ask me

“Why are you still single?”

I tell them my hobby

Is sitting, staring at my phone, trying to think of a satisfying rhyme for single

So I can finish my poem

That I write on my blog-ingle.

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Algebra For Men

My math professor wrote on the board

(X-ch)/i = B

He said, “Solve for X,” and so I began

And with each step I started to see:

I multiplied both sides by i

And found X-ch = Bi

Then added ch to both sides of the figure

And found the prof was my kinda guy!

Instead of this nonsense: (X-ch)/i = B

His X = Bi+ch

And I was the only one who said “Hee hee.”

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Chatting With The “Mirror Selfie” Girls…

Sometimes I look in the mirror

And see myself staring at me,

And when I clean the glass it gets clearer

And I know it’s my face that I see

And I look at myself and think “Wow!

“That’s expected, and not very shocking!”

And that, my dear lady, is what I perceive

And thus space out when you start talking.

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