Tag Archives: Relationships

Flirting In Canada

I was a man

And she was not.

She hadn’t noticed me

But I thought she was hot.

I approached her politely

And told her “I’m Dan.”

She was, in hindsight, not pleased

So I got two years in the can.

I remember when men

Were not seen as a foe,

But not anymore

Thanks to Justin Trudeau.

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This Is Closer To Reality Than I’d Like (And Yes, Niche Does Rhyme With Itch)

Sometimes I wish I were an itch,

An itch that can’t be scratched

So I could bug the ugly thug

To whom you are attached.

Then when you were single

I would steal away your heart

And just like that eternal itch

We’d never be apart.

But eventually you’d hate me

And the scratching I’d inspire

And you’d dump me for some other jerk

Of whom you would soon tire

Then I would swoop back to you,

Your faithful little itch

And maybe this time you won’t dump me?

What do you mean my fetish is niche…

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Dating A CEO

I did some ideation

On the topic “you and me”

And I want to move the needle

To upgrade our synergy.

I figured I would reach out

And shift your paradigm

To show how being in my wheelhouse

Is an impactful use of time.

So let’s break through the clutter

Via disruptive innovation

And prepare mind share initiatives

Through casual conversation

And I hope that going forward

Thanks to holistic execution

This relationship of ours

Will have a win-win resolution!

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And Don’t Even Get Me Started On The Necking…

If I were a turtle

I would be more fertile.

I’d have more girl turtles to court.

Also nothing but fertile

Rhymes well with turtle

And turtles don’t care if you’re short.

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Perhaps It’s Good Not To Remember Your Dreams

“Cyber chickens do not deserve Yolanda”

Was the first thought to pop into my head

When I sat down to write today’s poem

After exiting my way-too-comfy bed.

I don’t know the meaning of that musing

And likely it has no meaning at all

But if you are Yolanda do not settle

For a cyber chicken who isn’t on the ball.

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Why Men Pray

When a woman tells you yes

She means it could be so

Unless she’s getting dressed…

Then it definitely means no.

And if a woman tells you no

It is a no, no questions asked

Except when she wants you to be bad

Or do what you have not been tasked.

But the scariest thing you’ll ever

Hear a woman say

Is when she smiles and seems alright

And tells you “I’m OK.”

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But Then People Won’t Think Everything In My Life Is Perfect And Be Indifferent/Slightly Insecure About The Whole Thing!

There’s something to be said

For chatting without snap,

Books without face,

Interacting without that crap…

Gramming that’s not instant,

Interests that aren’t pins,

Singing without tweeting.

Real friends don’t need log-ins.

I think our society’s forgotten

The value of offline truth

So why not forget your password

And go enjoy your youth?

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