Tag Archives: Relationships

True Love, 2022

Upon the sofa down we sat,

Eating ice cream, happy, fat,

Eyes on the TV, wearing no pants:

This is my ideal of romance!

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*Grunt, Impale Worm On Hook, Lifelong Companion*

Women will talk to their friends

About what their friends would say

If they knew what someone whose not their friend

Said “Hi” instead of “Hey”.

They’ll whisper all about a person’s

Clothes or hair or walk.

Guys don’t have this problem

Because male friends don’t talk.

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Dear Ladies, Love Men

My girl made me a sandwich

And left a little note:

“Sandwich in the fridge. I love you!”

That was all she wrote.

That was all I needed

To get me through the day

And made every struggle, small and large,

Seem perfectly okay.

So when your boyfriend, husband,

Or another man declares

“Go make me a sandwich”

It shows you that he cares

Enough about your love to ask

For what he really needs.

If you want true love to grow

That’s how to sow the seeds.

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Artistic Priorities

Today I was a DJ

At a wedding for my friends.

It was great, but tiring

And thus this poem ends.

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When Thy Quarry Escapeth And Thy Counterpart Is Not Amusethed

The itsy-bitsy spider

Was sitting on the floor,

Having a rest

Beneath the cabinet door.

I came to smash him

And end his worthless life

But he crawled away to safety…

Now I have to face the wife.

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A Hallmark Card For Long-Distance Relationships

Hey girl! Are you a sitting duck

Or you the broadside of a barn

Or another easy-target such-and-such?

You’re amazing and you’re super

And I feel like a storm trooper

‘Cause it’s crazy, missing you this much.

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She’s Actually Not, But The Punchline Makes Me Seem Desperate, And Desperation Is Funny

My girl is sexier than yours.

She could knock hinges off doors.

She has pretty knees and toes

And looks good with and without clothes.

She has pretty auburn hair

And says fancy stuff like “Au contraire”.

She’s the girl I’m going to marry…

Who cares if she’s imaginary?

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Jasmine Is Not A Fan Of Arabian Heat

Mohammed had a magic carpet

That very ably flew;

It could go zero to sixty

In precisely 8.2

But Aladdin had a carpet

With a sunroof and AC

So the choice of who to date

Was obvious to me!

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Piece by Peace

You told me that you’re broken

But I have to disagree.

You’re at the disadvantage

Of not seeing what I see.

You don’t see my future

When mascara washes away;

You don’t see the smile

I ask God for when I pray;

You don’t hear the stars align

Every time you laugh and sing.

Even when you feel broken

You’re my everything.

So when you say you’re broken

Disbelieve a little while

While I become a mirror

To show you how you smile,

How you laugh and how you sing

And cry but keep on living;

I want to reflect to you

The love you’re always giving

Until the sun will rise again

And together we will shine

And find your broken pieces

Fit perfectly with mine.

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My Girl Called This “So Sweet” … Should I Be Worried?

I love you
With all my heart,
Like hobos love
A shopping cart,
Like children laugh
When people fart,
When we are near
Or far apart.

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