Tag Archives: Relationships

🍆👸? 👎,ℹ️🌈!

I met a girl in cooking class

When I was seventeen.

She texted “Wanna have some fun?”

I asked “What do you mean?”

She sent me some emojis

Of an eggplant and a queen.

I replied “Thanks for the offer

“But I’m out of aubergine.”

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Math Anxiety

My teacher asks “What’s the square root of nine?”

I say the answer is three.

The girlfriend asks “What’s the value of X”

And I say “She means nothing to me!”

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New Study Shows Women Are “Marrying Down…”

My car may have it’s share of dings,

I may not buy you fancy things,

I might forget your name a lot,

I might comment “Your mom is hot,”

I might not read your favorite book,

I’ll seldom clean and never cook,

But if you become my wife

You can wear sweat pants for the rest of your life!

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When All The Good Men Are 5’11”

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 10

She’ll happily be his Barbie

And he will be her Ken.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes 20

She will call him Sugarplum

And he will call her Honey.

If a man makes 40k

And his girl makes thirty

You can guarantee that they’ll

Be eager to talk dirty.

If a man makes 40k

And she makes 41

Shame on her for dating down!

Their relationship is done.

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The Important Person’s Guide To Everyone Else

There’s a horde of faceless people

Milling blindly in the road,

Never seeing their solutions,

Never earning what they’re owed.

They are nameless, they are faceless,

And they haven’t got a clue…

If that is what you see of them

Then that’s how they’ll see you.

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A Six-Figure Sense Of Humor

She offered me a sandwich

And I said “Thank you dear.”

She sighed and asked “What would you do

“If I were to disappear?”

I said “I’d eat steak every day

“And be left with much more money.”

She scowled, so I bought her jewelry

And now she thinks I’m funny.

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It’s Awkward When Someone Says “Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace”

When a man has nothing to say

He waits in silence for the silence to end.

When a girl I like has nothing to say

She says “That’s so nice, but I have a boyfriend.”

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