As you read this poem
You may look upon your clock
And see either the morning’s tic
Or else the evening’s tock.
I have advice to share with you
Be it the eve or morning;
First for my evening readers, I
Do share this somber warning:
For those whose work and leisure lasts
‘Til late at night like me
You run the risk of starting a blog
Of petty poetry.
But for the morning readers
Perhaps you’ll ponder thus:
How have you time to read crap
Writ by evening folk like us?
Filed under Poems
I was looking at the stats today
For readers of my stuff;
India, Finland, and Singapore
Apparently love my fluff!
While those three all have “IN”
Somewhere within their name
They otherwise appear to have
Very little that is the same.
So to the folks in India,
Finland, and Singapore
Please accept my gratitude
And if there is a war
Know you have unlikely allies
Bonded by your hearts
That share appreciation
For the mediocre arts.
Filed under Poems
I’m 8 “Likes” away from 21,000
In the history of my blog.
My heart is very excited
And my soul is like a dog.
If 8 more people like my crap
I’ll finally achieve my goal
Of getting as many likes as a girl
Who posts dancing pics with a pole.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Today I saw this comment
Responding to a poem of mine.
He read the poem as many times
As I’ve had valentines.
He thought it was informative,
So unless I am a loon
I suspect that “Michael Pearson”
Will be in congress soon.
Filed under Poems
I noticed just this morning
My blog was visited six times:
Six people clicked to read how I
Come up with stuff that rhymes.
But it was the next statistic
That gave me a miscue:
Though I’d had six visitors
I’d only had one view.
At first I was astonished,
Then delight bloomed from surprise:
Six people came to see my blog
And five had closed their eyes!
I thought I’d gotten softer
The longer I wrote here
But I repulsed 5/6ths of viewers
And that brings me much good cheer.
Filed under Poems
There once was an irreverent poet
With a blog, and he wanted to grow it
But with few likes per post
The internet host
Told google results not to show it.
Filed under Poems
This blog of ours has followers
That number 699.
If we can get to 700
That would be so mighty fine
‘Cause if we reach 700
Then a thousand’s pretty close
And that’s a number to be proud of
Whether it is net or gross.
And when we hit a thousand
Followers of this page
Then why not get a thousand more
And make these poems all the rage
And all the poetic hipsters
Can say “I followed it first!”
And by then we’ll have ten thousand
And I’ll be proud enough to burst.
Given time we’ll pass the thousands
And we will be one million strong
And you, follower 700
Will have been there all along.
And if you aren’t convinced yet
By this hypothetical boast
At 700 my parents will love me
And that’s what means the most.
Filed under Poems
Furtive glances;
Still no wi-fi.
Previous posts say
“1d, 2d, 3d, 3d, 5d…”
I hope four days ago
My scheduled poem posted.
Then I wonder:
Am I the only one who cares?
Then my little voice answers:
“Yes.”
Thanks little voice.
Filed under Poems
There is a Brazilian Spambot
That, about my blog, does care.
It thinks my articles are meaningful
And look! It’s got porn to share!
My dear Brazilian Spambot
Ensures at least one view a day,
And the folks on “girlsgonewild.com”
Might just get referred my way.
And my Spambot has a sister
Who is 18 years or olda’.
I think her name is Rachel,
Sarah, Bridget, Kate, or Golda.
So thank you lovely Spambot.
I hope this article informs.
Have fun with the rest of your day
Autofilling digital forms.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 