His hands sweated inside his gloves
As the final tumbler fell into place.
He extracted the box and ran,
Relief flooding across his washed out face.
He made it to the getaway,
The rainbow that would take him away from harms,
And he pictured the pot of gold
He’d get for stealing the lucky charms.
Filed under Poems
There’s a convenient fact about rules
That assumes followers are fools.
They can punish you after the fact,
But they cannot control how you act.
So do whatever you want,
(But misdoings you ought not flaunt)
For the crime that does no harm
Has no place under the law’s long arm.
Filed under Poems
The inner critic smiled
as I erased another line.
“You won’t write a poem about that!”
I heard the invisible @€#*~}! whine.
So instead I wrote this poem
Inspired by my critic.
Sometimes you have to do that stuff,
Even if you become arthritic.
Filed under Poems
As the knight climbed the steps
To the princess’s room
His heart pounded harder
Than you’d be prone to assume.
He flung open the door
And what did he see?
A bored, unwashed princess
Aged 73.
That’s what you get
When you lock up a kid
With no education
In a tower guarded
By an unslayable dragon.
And what did she eat?
Only things that could keep
Like canned veggies and meat.
She had no running water,
No way to catch rain,
No outside contact
To challenge her brain.
So if you’ve got a princess
Don’t lock her away.
Besides, all the good knights
Are taken or gay.
Filed under Poems
Heavy, the scent of roses
Lies upon the veranda
Where I sit, hand in hand,
With my lover, Miranda.
She sweats like an osprey,
And I sweat like a bear.
It’s a good thing for us
Our hormones don’t care.
The sun smiles down
From its cloudless abode.
And two antelope hump
On the side of the road.
A warm, friendly wind
Caresses the trees.
There’s spring in the air.
That’s when I start to sneeze.
Filed under Poems
Hush little humans
On your little web.
I’ve heard what you have to say.
I get all your points
About women’s equality
And equal marriage for the gay.
I get that you love
Your body and stuff.
I don’t mind pictures of your meal.
Just don’t be expectant
That your Upworthy link
Is enough to make me squeal.
I’m all for justice,
I’m all for change,
And I’ll give all your causes a look.
I just wish for a day
Your beliefs went away
And I could be bourgeois on Facebook.
Filed under Poems
Ever get those moments
When you have nothing to write?
I never have that problem.
I just love the color white.
Filed under Poems
There is something inherently scary
About playing an organ late at night.
Might be Hollywood cliche,
But it still causes some fright.
There’s nothing scary at all
About a piano at midday.
It’s just one of those things
You don’t care about either way.
An accordion is happy
Anytime at all.
That’s why I go to an accordion church
That just happens to be at the mall.
Filed under Poems
A chicken met a dragon
One Friday afternoon.
The chicken told the dragon
“I wish I looked like you.”
Then the dragon ate the chicken
‘Cause that’s what dragons do.
I will never forget
That first field trip to the zoo.
Filed under Poems
Greasy Pete and Sticky Sally
Live in a box deep in the alley.
They make their money selling worms
To fishermen who don’t mind germs.
Pete and Sally are not poor.
They’ve got what they need, and don’t want more.
Neither are the two of them homeless
Simply because their life is domeless.
Sticky Sally and Greasy Pete
Have all the food they need to eat,
They’ve got no worries and do no crime.
Who needs money? They’ve got nothing but time.
And when times get hard living on the street,
Pete’s got Sally, and Sally sticks to Pete.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 