Putrid lasers fill the air
At the annual super villain’s fair.
Cackles dance among the stars
As they network and blow up cars.
And I look on with quiet glee,
Knowing the evilest of all is me.
I will release a weapon of dire stress:
A letter from the IRS.
Filed under Poems
I walked through the forest
And asked a great tree
“How are you so great?
“Can you teach that to me.”
But the tree did not answer,
The great stupid jerk.
I packed up my stuff
And I drove off to work.
A week and some later
I walked on the beach
And I asked the great waves
If they had stuff to teach.
The waves answered “shh”
As they crashed on the shore,
And I left, disappointed,
To the city once more.
Then finally I strolled
O’er a mountainous peak
Hoping to hear
The big pointy rock speak.
And I finally listened
To its silent reply,
And at once understood,
And I high-fived the sky.
The fellow was tall, his hair was long
And a gleam sat in his eye.
Half a smile hinted at trouble,
And he wore a straight red tie.
His shoes and socks and trousers
Were black as starless night.
He was the sort to ignore the easy
And chase what he knew was right.
Charisma caught the woman’s eye,
And she caught his gaze as well,
And as he gazed at her he thought
“Why’d I eat that Taco Bell?”
Filed under Poems
I look at a snowman,
Perhaps a snow woman.
Bad weather makes it grow stronger.
And its body’s packed tight
Or she’ll fall down alright.
The pressure ensures he’ll live longer.
And the warmth of the sun,
Great for comfort and fun
Inevitably hastens its demise.
It needs precipitation
Not a sunny vacation,
A lot like flesh people in my eyes.
Filed under Poems
‘Tis a sad occasion
To break a pact,
Especially by
Forgetting to act.
And so I have
Avoided great sorrow
By writing today’s poem
Before tomorrow.
Filed under Poems
Yellow teeth
And orange eyes
Shine like fire
Under the full moon.
I try to smile,
Tell some lies,
But all I can say is
“Hey honey. Back so soon?”
My lover plods forwards
With wolfish eyes fixed
On the little pink pocket
At the base of my neck.
I know what I must do.
My feelings aren’t mixed.
It’s her time of the month,
And out I must get the heck.
Filed under Poems
“Let’s hear your riddle,”
I told my dear one.
“It’s been around
Since year one.
“It’s got no spine,
No heart, No brain.
It’s loved in France,
But seldom Spain.”
What do you mean
It’s the letter Q?
I thought the answer
Was you!
Filed under Poems
I walk among
the snowy trees
Enveloped by
a chilling breeze.
I see a moose
among the arbors
And wonder what
secrets it harbors.
I brush my hand
against the branches
And remember a war
fought in the tranches.
The bullets flew,
The blood rained red
‘Til everyone but me
Was dead.
So I look at the moose
Who’ll never fight
A war he don’t
Believe is right.
I envy him,
The big dumb deer,
And I know I’ll live
My life out here,
Never alone
Among the trees.
I’ll always have
The memories.
Filed under Poems
The mountains stood
Like great cones of earth
Sticking up out of the ground
While little blue birds
Flew in circles above,
Around and around and around.
I walk on the trail
Between these great peaks
Place my feet where the ground is flat.
And the birds are so blue
Like sapphires on a crown,
Precious stones in a round metal hat.
As I sing to the breeze
Like the wind to the trees,
Moving air melodiously,
And I think of the woman
Who told me “Take a Hike.”
Didn’t know that she’ll show dis to me.
I did get a life
And next time I see ‘er
We’ll take a long walk together
Off a short pier.
Filed under Poems
Our love is like board walk
With a hotel.
It’s great if you have it,
But expensive as hell.
Our love is like park place.
It’s worth it to invest,
But we can’t help but feel
It’s only second best.
Our love happened purely by chance,
And I thought that was all for the best.
Then I heard about your four-house reputation
And your nickname, “Community Chest.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 