Category Archives: Poems

November 27, 2013 · 10:52 pm

A Thanksgiving Poem (Nice)

I stubbed my toe
And broke my nail.
I tried a new sport
And I epically failed.
I hit on a girl
And was soundly rejected.
My movie was grainy,
And was poorly projected.

My stomach’s upset
From that beanie burrito,
And I’m scratching a bite
From an angry mosquito.
I’m too sickly to go
For a night on the town,
And to top it all off,
My house just burned down!

But in all of this anguish
I feel pretty neat,
‘Cause there are sports I can play
With my two healthy feet.
I speak freely to women
And also with men,
And I can watch the same movie
Again and again.

There’s so much food to eat
Even bugs get their fill,
And maybe I’ll build
My new house on a hill.
My life was disturbed
By these happenings fateful,
But life’s what you choose,
And I choose to be grateful.

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November 25, 2013 · 1:49 pm

First Love Lasts Forever

I still remember the first girl I loved,
Though I will not say her name.
I was her seventh-grade knight in cargo pants.
She was my white-bloused seventh grade dame.

Today we’re friends, if only online,
But we seldom text or chat.
We write a note when birthdays come,
But rarely more than that.

Despite the distance and nonchalance
She’ll always have a place
In this man’d heart, and in my mind
I’ll always know her face.

The first love we know never goes away,
Invulnerable to time.
So make sure your kid in seventh grade
Never falls in love with a mime.

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November 17, 2013 · 4:28 pm

Love on the Range

I once met a cowboy
Who went ba the name o’ Jed.
Had a cactus for a pilla,
And the prairie was ‘is bed.
He done met a lass he fancied,
Who went ba the name o’ Mary,
But he lost interest when
He couldn’t get her into prairie.

I wanted a home
where the buffalo roam,
And to wake at the rise of the sun.
Well I got like I wanted,
But my thoughts still are haunted
By my daddy waving ” Good Bison.”

There once was a matchmaker
Who lived in Dixie land.
Whenever folks got married,
In it, she had a hand.
Well you should hear what she said
When her own love did end:
“Good sir, you want to ride this horse,
But this horse just wants to be friends.”

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November 16, 2013 · 11:39 pm

Bacon

When life knocks you down
And no relief do you see,

When the joy you invite
Doesn’t RSVP,

When you’re proverbially fishing
But only catch kelps,

Just think about bacon.
I hope that this helps.

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November 13, 2013 · 5:16 pm

How to heigh-Ho (A Derry-O)

I was born and raised a farmer,
And I know my job quite well,
But I’ve got some competition
From the farmer in the dell.

So I’ve got to take a gander at
What he’s got that I’m lacking.
He just heigh-hoed his derry-o,
So on that I should get cracking.

So how does one go about
The process of heigh-hoing?
I know some dwarves (Crap, I mean “little people!”) who do it
When off to work they’re going.

So if you’ve got ideas,
Please write and let me know.
You’ll help this needy farmer,
And you’ll help his derry-o.

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October 11, 2013 · 10:59 am

Baby Rock

A fumpquadrillion years ago

There was a baby rock.

He was tiny, like a pebble,

And musical, like Bach.

The baby stone would sing and moan

Some songs, both longs and shorts.

His first record went multi-platinum,

Not bad for a teenage quartz.

As he aged, his music differed,

In its lyrics, its style, its tone.

This June you might just see him on

The cover of Rolling Stone.

Baby Rock was an instant success.

He’s got some considerable clout,

And he just wanted me to remind you

To stay tough and to baby rock out.

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October 6, 2013 · 9:52 pm

Mustang (For my Sister)

Mustang

She grew up in sixty days,
Perfected by a sergeant’s love.
Her weakness died in August’s blaze
And a flawless warrior soared above.

She dressed in tan as she ran by,
In green when she was done.
She marched in blue under cloudy sky,
Embraced me ‘neath the sun.

The days that followed all were bliss,
That faded with each other.
At night we parted with a kiss
Between sister and brother.

I’d just four days to see the change
Before again we had to part.
Our eyes cannot see past the range,
But range means nothing to the heart.

So I saluted one time more
And walked away to catch my flight.
I smiled, walking past the door,
But on the plane I cried all night.

And thus my mustang flew away,
Unbridled by her childhood fear,
And so I wait until the day
My airman once again is near.

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September 30, 2013 · 11:06 am

Bowling Shoes

“I’ve got a grand idea,”
Some terrible person said,
“Of how to extort bowlers
For an extra $2.50 a head.

“We’ll make them rent this tacky shoes
All red and green and orange
And just don’t mention anywhere
How many times they have been wornge.”

Well, that’s my rant in bowling shoes
Repeated here in whole.
The guy who thought up bowling shoes
Must not have had a sole.

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September 25, 2013 · 5:17 pm

What Goes Around

What goes around comes around
At any time o’clocks.
It comes and goes and stays and flows
And runs and rolls and rocks.

Well the goes around, it came around
And changes it did make.
It changed its look, rewrote its book,
And left a foamy wake.

What goes around will break your heart,
And also make you whole
We need the goes around to live,
No matter what its toll.

Sometimes it’s big, sometimes small,
Sometimes white or black.
I do not know know what goes around,
But I know it will come back.

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September 25, 2013 · 9:49 am

The End of Summer

The leaves turn red
and orange and gold.
The days grow short,
The weather, cold.

School’s in session,
And a cool breeze
Stirs leafy ground
And furrows trees.

The Summer’s done,
But I’ll mail ya
Summer poems
From Australia.

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