My eyes water,
My arms sweat,
When I see
My Bernadette.
My tongue goes numb,
And I can’t feel my face
When I see
My lovely Grace.
My feet itch,
My buttocks yawn
When I see
My darling Dawn.
I think that college
Did this to me,
‘Cause I’m a bachelor
In the first degree.
Filed under Poems
Little Joey always hoped
He’d grow up strong and tall
And be the smartest in his class
And good at basketball.
Sure enough he got his wish
But his face still held a frown,
‘Cause now big Joey was a man
Who wanted to grow back down.
Filed under Poems
I bought a pet Godzilla
From my buddy down the street.
He’s a fire-breathing dinosaur,
Which I think is pretty neat.
He’s also quite the actor,
And he’s very, very sweet.
But he’s retired now,
And I call him Jumbo Pete.
Filed under Poems
My Dad catches fish,
My Dad catches birds,
And my Dad caught my mama’s eye.
Then life did its stuff
And, well, sure enough
There came my sister and I.
That when my Dad,
So asymptotically rad,
Really displayed his mettle,
For he will never rest
‘Til he’s done his best,
And not until then will he settle.
Thanks to you Dad
We did not turn out bad,
And from my perspective I see:
To be a guy like that
Is good to aim at.
Happy Father’s Day Dad from me!
People like having money
And they like buying things,
But choose one of those passions
And the other gets lost.
Until now, that is!
Now you can live like kings
With the finest of fashions
And none of the cost!
(Trumpet Fanfare)
I present to you the credit card!
A source of endless joy
That gives you all that you desire.
Just swipe your tears away!
And if you use the whole thing up,
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
You’ll the friendly screeching tires
Of some bankers making sure you’re okay.
Filed under Poems
I need an extracurricular,
And I want to score a date.
I can kind of throw a football
Or throw balls past home plate.
I’m tall enough for hoops,
And in soccer I am grand,
But the greatest sport for getting girls
Has to be marching band.
Filed under Poems
I’d like to think
Love is a choice,
And the product of
An adoring mind.
I’d like to think
It’s a little voice
That reminds you
To be gentle and kind.
Yet who we love
Is often chosen
By hormones
Running free.
So I hope you find
A place in your adrenals
And save it
Just for me.
Filed under Poems
I went to the proving grounds
Hoping to test my mettle,
But when I was done I found
That I lost and had to settle.
I thought my strength was notable,
And my skill substantial,
But I forgot it was a proving ground
And my evidence was circumstantial.
Filed under Poems
Ray’s cow chewed her cud
Amidst the mud,
While Ray looked on with wonder.
While I, Captain Jack
Snuck round the back.
Their farm I sought to plunder.
Alas Ray raised
A herd of deer
To guard his home from a pirate.
That’s the ballad
of Doe, Ray, and Me
And it makes me feel irate!
Filed under Poems
