I know not of the origin
Of the fateful racial feud
Between the dwarves and elves of old
Nor how such hate ensued,
But the modern dwarf/elf rivalry
Is almost certainly due
To hiring dwarves at Christmas time
To dress as Santa’s crew.
Tag Archives: Dwarves
History Is Written By The Famous
Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy
Bashful, Grumpy, and Dock
Mined all day to earn their pay
From 8:00 to 5:00 o’clock.
With seven salaries they paid
The rent for one small shack
And thought this was the status quo
Because the dwarves were black.
Then this white chick comes along
And they’re all like “Hi ho!”
Then she’s like, “OMG you guys,
“My name’s like totally Snow.”
And so she took their home away
And even ate their fruit
Before she slept for free a while
‘Cause hey, the chick was cute!
She slept upon the eighth dwarf’s bed
Who never was alerted.
So says the spurned, forgotten dwarf
Whose name is Introverted.
Filed under Poems
He’s Not Bashful About It
Let me tell the tale
Of the dwarf defined as Doc.
He was a man with paultry poultry
(Which is to say a tiny cock).
He’d be off to work each morning
With a high-ho and a pick
And he’d strike at stones much harder
Than his diminutive dwarven dick.
A princess came to stay with him
Despite her inhibitions.
Three days later she ate poison
Rather than stay in such conditions.
His beard is limp. His head is bald.
His eyes are beige and lumpy.
Since I’ve run out of insults
I’ll end the poem here. Love, Grumpy.
Filed under Poems
How to heigh-Ho (A Derry-O)
I was born and raised a farmer,
And I know my job quite well,
But I’ve got some competition
From the farmer in the dell.
So I’ve got to take a gander at
What he’s got that I’m lacking.
He just heigh-hoed his derry-o,
So on that I should get cracking.
So how does one go about
The process of heigh-hoing?
I know some dwarves (Crap, I mean “little people!”) who do it
When off to work they’re going.
So if you’ve got ideas,
Please write and let me know.
You’ll help this needy farmer,
And you’ll help his derry-o.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
The Daily Travesty 