I know a gal who’s a genie
Who I found in a bottle of wine.
She grants my wishes now and again,
But she’s certainly no friend of mine.
Sometimes when she grants me my wishes
I still have an urge just to throttle her
‘Cause the wishes remain ’til she clogs up my drain,
Then they vanish when I try to bottle her.
Doncha just haydit
When folks go writin’ wurds
Like folks and such would say it
‘Stead of how they are surpursed (to be spelled)?
I’m reading a play at the moment
That’s a sufferin’ from this fate.
We start rehearsin’ it tomorraw.
Is it, out to back, too late?
I did a google search
For Men’s Wearhouse at the mall.
That was 16 months ago,
And it’s still here on my wall.
I looked to buy a negligee
Just as a friendly gift.
Now I get twelve ads a day
Through which I must sift.
I looked up local dry cleaners,
And now endure the taunt
Of “targeted ads” for dry cleaning
In Georgia and Vermont.
I searched my ex’s name as well
Out of curiosity.
Not only did I regret it then,
But now I literally can’t unsee.
And where the Chippendales ad
Came from, I can’t guess,
But now it is a daily part
Of my social network’s mess.
I cleared my cookies and my cache,
Reset my “ad I.D.”
I still get ads on my Facebook wall,
But at least they’re not for me.
There were ducks in the lake,
Mosquitos in the sky,
Sun in the forecast,
And a twinkle in her eye.
She smiled at me sweetly,
So I pushed her in the lake.
Sometimes those happy people
Are just too much to take.
Next day shipping,
Overnight,
Two day ground,
One day flight.
With all these options
In the mix
Why’d two-day shipping
Still take six?
Filed under Poems
Tagged as Annoying, Humor, Online Shopping, Poetry, Post Office, Postaday, Shipping
The Daily Travesty