If you think you need
To drive a faster speed
When your car’s ahead of mine
Then all is good and fine.
If you would go faster
When behind me, I’m your master.
Yes, that makes me a jerk
But oh boy does it work!
I spent weeks building my mansion,
A perfect family house
Where I can raise my children.
Despite my lack of a spouse.
But then you came and ruined it,
Just smashed it with your face
And then you said it’s my fault?
You’re a great disgrace!
It took me lots of time and silk
To spin my home, and sure
It’s exactly at eye-level for you
And right on your front door…
But still! You should apologize!
What’s that? You won’t? Well then
I guess I’ll have to get revenge
By crawling on you when you sleep again…
The world is fine, mostly alright,
With occasional bits of blight.
I’m decently fed and slept okay
And nothing much got in my way.
The weather’s cool, the sports are going,
The mountain’s tall, the river’s flowing
And I’m just here like “Okay,
“But can I please sulk anyway?”
There was a time without taxes,
A time without corporate spying,
And if you believe the Bible there was
A time without even dying.
But one timeless thing that has always been
Through every era and age
Is that no gym will ever show
Non-promotional prices on their front page.
The sky was cool and starry blue,
The Earth a pool of morning dew,
Abuzz with life of every shape,
From bug to bird to dog to ape.
One bit of life upon the Earth
Was a normal child of human birth
Who’d celebrate each dawning day
With the joyous sound of childish play.
He was no bird; He could not fly,
And yet he was intent to try.
He’d leap from couch to bed to floor
Until his muscles flew no more.
He was no bug; He could not crawl
Upon a roof or stalwart wall,
But in the calm before the dawn
He, undeterred, would skitter on.
He was no dog; He could not bark,
But made his home a sort of park
In which to howl in youthful glee
In the apartment above me.
He was no ape; He ought to know
His acts impact the room below.
I smell his breakfast on the breeze:
Bacon, toast, and antifreeze…
If you think saying “Spongebob’s gay”
Will make the haters go away
Then I am most inclined to say
You’re stupid and you’re wrong.
If you think that posting signs
And standing tall in protest lines
Will make the “bads” turn into “fines”
I’ll sing a different song.
If you think that making noise
About police and childrens’ toys
And how some girls are really boys
Is going to change a heart
Then I will proudly bear the news:
Insulting those with different views
Won’t stop the “other people” blues,
But listening? There’s a start!
Hello [Your name misspelled here],
I’m a guy from some website
You visited four years ago
Saying thanks, unless you’re white.
We wanted to inform you
That our service will be paused
To recognize black people
And the trouble they’ve been caused.
We stand in solidarity
With those whose darker skin
Displays they may be poor in wealth
But rich in melanin.
Our shipping will be slower
And our prices will be hiked
To ensure our social media
Is adequately liked.
This is us reminding you
That love will conquer fear.
Also, they burned our storefront down
So please support us here.
When, in poems, rhyming’s done
Most people think its lots of fun
But in day-to-day conversing
I notice the trend of fun reversing.
It’s as if, when someone speaks
And you interject a word like “creaks”
The custom of matching final phonemes
Becomes less fun than it, in poetry, seems.
So whenever people get in a huff
When my replies happen to rhyme with their stuff
I’m glad to use this blog as a replacement
For talking to people outside of my basement.