Tag Archives: Annoying

Why Can’t It Actually Suck?

The world is fine, mostly alright,

With occasional bits of blight.

I’m decently fed and slept okay

And nothing much got in my way.

The weather’s cool, the sports are going,

The mountain’s tall, the river’s flowing

And I’m just here like “Okay,

“But can I please sulk anyway?”

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I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CHARGE TO MAKE ME FEEL HEALTHY WHILE I DO NOTHING!

There was a time without taxes,

A time without corporate spying,

And if you believe the Bible there was

A time without even dying.

But one timeless thing that has always been

Through every era and age

Is that no gym will ever show

Non-promotional prices on their front page.

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Breathe In… Breathe Out… Panic…

Sometimes people do something

That cannot be forgiven:

That is something that is always true.

For example, they’ll remind you

That you are consciously breathing

And now you’re nervous. Lala loopdey do.

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Morning People

The sky was cool and starry blue,

The Earth a pool of morning dew,

Abuzz with life of every shape,

From bug to bird to dog to ape.

One bit of life upon the Earth

Was a normal child of human birth

Who’d celebrate each dawning day

With the joyous sound of childish play.

He was no bird; He could not fly,

And yet he was intent to try.

He’d leap from couch to bed to floor

Until his muscles flew no more.

He was no bug; He could not crawl

Upon a roof or stalwart wall,

But in the calm before the dawn

He, undeterred, would skitter on.

He was no dog; He could not bark,

But made his home a sort of park

In which to howl in youthful glee

In the apartment above me.

He was no ape; He ought to know

His acts impact the room below.

I smell his breakfast on the breeze:

Bacon, toast, and antifreeze…

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Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

If you think saying “Spongebob’s gay”

Will make the haters go away

Then I am most inclined to say

You’re stupid and you’re wrong.

If you think that posting signs

And standing tall in protest lines

Will make the “bads” turn into “fines”

I’ll sing a different song.

If you think that making noise

About police and childrens’ toys

And how some girls are really boys

Is going to change a heart

Then I will proudly bear the news:

Insulting those with different views

Won’t stop the “other people” blues,

But listening? There’s a start!

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Inboxes Be Like…

Hello [Your name misspelled here],

I’m a guy from some website

You visited four years ago

Saying thanks, unless you’re white.

We wanted to inform you

That our service will be paused

To recognize black people

And the trouble they’ve been caused.

We stand in solidarity

With those whose darker skin

Displays they may be poor in wealth

But rich in melanin.

Our shipping will be slower

And our prices will be hiked

To ensure our social media

Is adequately liked.

This is us reminding you

That love will conquer fear.

Also, they burned our storefront down

So please support us here.

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Dear Everyone Who Has Ever Been On A Plane, A Bus, A Train…

If you don’t know what to say

You needn’t speak. It’s okay!

It’s only silence… don’t be scared.

Besides, odds are that no one cared.

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Poetry > Humans

When, in poems, rhyming’s done

Most people think its lots of fun

But in day-to-day conversing

I notice the trend of fun reversing.

It’s as if, when someone speaks

And you interject a word like “creaks”

The custom of matching final phonemes

Becomes less fun than it, in poetry, seems.

So whenever people get in a huff

When my replies happen to rhyme with their stuff

I’m glad to use this blog as a replacement

For talking to people outside of my basement.

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Dating A CEO

I did some ideation

On the topic “you and me”

And I want to move the needle

To upgrade our synergy.

I figured I would reach out

And shift your paradigm

To show how being in my wheelhouse

Is an impactful use of time.

So let’s break through the clutter

Via disruptive innovation

And prepare mind share initiatives

Through casual conversation

And I hope that going forward

Thanks to holistic execution

This relationship of ours

Will have a win-win resolution!

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And Yet We Still Believe It

So began the monologue:

“Yes, of course I’ll train the dog!”

And in hindsight this we see

Was the greatest lie in history.

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