Tag Archives: Annoying

The Last Words Spoken To Me At My Customer Service Job Before My “Involuntary Retirement Was Expedited” On Account Of “Unbecoming Physical Demonstrations”

“You know those days

Where everything’s bad,

Everything hurts,

Everyone’s mad,

Nobody’s happy,

And nothing is true?

I don’t, but you’re nodding,

So it sucks to be you!”


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Whose Phone Is This? (Aka The White-Guy-Alone-On-The-Bus-In-Harlem Song)

Whose phone is this

That disturbs my rest,

Who informs its master

By beeping?

Its constant noise

Does so make me stressed

For one minute ago

I was sleeping.

This, this

Is the white guy’s phone

Which disturbs your sleep

Via default tone.

This guy

Will be lain to rest

At the mortuary of Saint Mary.

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NO! All 99 Verses Must Be Sung Or One Cannot Accurately Judge The Amount Of Beer Consumed!

I don’t mind your desire for completeness,

Your accuracy is sublime,

But couldn’t we just sing “et cetera”

And save ourselves trouble and time?

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How I Met Your Mother (Although She Doesn’t Know It Yet)

I love you 

Like a child loves an airplane

Like that Facebook friend

Loves someone you’ll never meet

Like the drunk guy at the bar

Loves “it man!”

Like the certified pre-owned vehicle consultant

Knows you’ll love this one specific car

I live you very verbally

In a way that’s oft disturbing

That’s measured in mega-decibels

And prevents a good night’s sleep

So I thought with this confession

I’d better introduce myself

So that you wouldn’t mistake me

As just a random stranger/creep.

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One’s a Crowd

I’m a lonely little elf

In the presence of myself.

The solitude, it hurts my head.

I just wish I’d stop talking and go to bed.

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Woodchuck It At Their Head!

Regarding amount of wood

Chucked by a woodchuck:

I’ll make the suggestion

That it increases greatly

When in the presence

Of someone asking that stupid question.

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Passing The Buck: Fear For Your Future

No, you didn’t miss yesterday’s poem. There wasn’t one. Well, OK, there was, but WordPress decided you would enjoy it more if it wasn’t made public. Here’s my sarcastic apology/today’s poem.

Since I made a promise

To write a poem a day

Nothing really has gone wrong,

That is ’til yesterday.

The Internet betrayed me

By publishing locally,

And so my broken promise

Was not the fault of me.

I’m apologizing.

This is the way things go.

Maybe I’ll fix it in the future

With a wall paid for by Mexico?

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