Tag Archives: Wishes

Paper Heart

Twenty years or so before

I turned the age of 24

I feared to give a paper heart

To that one special lass.

Ten years after, now 14

I’ve had my eye on other queens

But my feeling for the paper heart girl

Never seems to pass.

In the present world we find

Our troubled and still childish mind

Called to give the other sex

Eternal loyalty.

I’m loyal to who understands

My paper heart and shaking hands.

Does she still exist? Perhaps

In ten more years we’ll see.

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Nice Guys Finish Last… Itโ€™s A Gift

All I want for Christmas

Is a lump of coal.

I hope I get one soon.

My only problem

Is I’m a good boy

And also that it’s June.

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The Placelandian National Anthem

Placelandia! We celebrate

The nation that is not a state,

The place where politicians come to die!

Where residents have common sense

And our plan for national defense

Is not to be a dick to folks nearby.

Placelandia! We celebrate

Our lack (so far) of Watergate

Or other nasty scandals of that kind.

Where citizens think differently

And something backs our currency;

A country built with happiness in mind.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

A nation that can safely be ignored.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

Where drama-seeking tourists will be bored.

Placelandia! We celebrate

That here nice guys can get a date

And nobody is told they must comply.

Where everybody owns a Glock

And Fox exec Rupert Murdoch

Would not have had to cancel Firefly.

Placelandia! We celebrate

A place mostly devoid of hate,

Where legs just shave themselves if given time.

We hope you have enjoyed this song

And pop stars didn’t sing too long

Before the very easy ending rhyme.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

It’s a pretty snazzy kinda joint.

Placelandia! Placelandia!

Okay, okay, okay! We get the point!

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My (So Far) Unpublished Picture Book

Bobby was an antelope

That lived out on the plains.

He had a happy smile

To conceal his inner pains

‘Cause though he was an antelope

What Bobby always sought

Was to turn into a camel.

Eventually that’s what he got.

Bobby’s story is inspiring

A lot like Forrest Gump.

He was a horny animal

Who just wanted a hump.

He had a little surgery

And moved to the Sahara.

To his family he said “bye”

And, to his troubles, “sayonara.”

But it turns out as a camel

Bobby suffered from great thirst.

Before he made his change

He should have thought about it first!

So Bobby died alone

Among the cacti and the sand.

He got exactly what he wanted

But it wasn’t what he’d planned.

Bobby didn’t go to heaven,

Nor to limbo or to hell

Because there is no afterlife

For our heroic trans-camel.

So if you really want something

A little or a lot

Use Bobby’s tale of woe

To eliminate that thought!

๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿช๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒตโ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿ’ก๐Ÿ’”

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Impression: Los Angeles

I stood out here once before

Seeking what could not be found

Head to toe in the neon cloak of midnight

Listening for the absence of a sound.

I saw humans crawl past empty sidewalks

Burning gas and paying fares

On the way to work that will empower them

To buy their surplus worries and cares.

They seek comfort in a glasses, pills, and needles,

Pray for hope through a politician’s lies.

Paychecks promise them the satisfaction

Of being happy in someone else’s eyes.

Red-eye pilots flee this urban heaven

Carrying those with sense enough to flee.

I just read my scripts and idly wonder

What it’s like to see a real tree.

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Alas, Sales Would Fall Quickly In California

We as a species

Devote so much time

To inventing a car

That’s smarter than us;

A car that can fly,

Can swim or can jump,

Can brake automatically

And not cause a fuss.

I think we can dream

Even bigger than this,

That the auto market,

There is a way to win it,

And we must redouble

Our effort to invent

A car that implodes

When a moron gets in it.

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Free Vacation Anyone?

What comes up

Must come down

Except the human propensity

To find reasons to frown.

But on the moon

The proverb’s incorrect,

So send the easily offended to the moon!

Does anyone object?

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