If you went back in time
To kill Hitler as a baby
You probably should consider
That someone else just maybe
Might go back in time again
This time to kill you
‘Cause you’re a time-traveling baby killer
As far as they knew.
That’s why if you ever
Change history somehow
By traveling to the past
To influence the now
I think it’s important
To leave a detailed letter
Explaining how killing babies
Can make the world better.
Filed under Poems
I cried all night,
I cried all day,
But still these parents
Won’t go away.
Filed under Poems
Sweet little infant, all is fine,
And somewhere in Zambia, the sun still shines.
And I am envious of those Zambian dudes,
For they have the sun, and all I’ve got is you.
So basically baby, do me this favor:
Go to sleep now and save me the labor
Of rocking you, kid. And don’t cry like that!
I’m seriously considering feeding you to the cat.
In fact, I’ve had it with your crying, you prick!
Let me go to the window and prepare my drop kick.
Oh, hello there darling. I’m just getting some air.
So good bye now, you baby. Cry at someone who cares!
The Daily Travesty 